Anime News Letter Season 4:
ANL Neo

Season 4, Special 1: ANL Filler Fic

Dear Reader,
      Well, you can't keep a good newsletter down for more than a few months and we're back! Again... for the forth time... yeah. Any rate, we have a story for you, which has become known as the ANL Filler Fic. It even gives a reason for the disappearance of a few staff members. Eventually, we'll release all the issues from Season Two and Three in a zip file when we convert them to .rtf files. Speaking of which, we're just going to send the issues as those from now on. I hope no one really cares but I'm sure we won't care either way. Merry Christmas!
Sincerely,
Sephiroth
Editor-in-chief and SOLDIER 1st Class

*later... on episode two of When Angels Attack*
Gendo: Hello, I'm Gendo Ikari with a late breaking news bulletin. It appears that Sephiroth, the
One-winged Angel, has started laying waste to Disney Land this Christmas Day in vengeance over using an N*Synch member as a voice actor in the game Kingdom Hearts. Totoro had this to comment...
Totoro: *in a remote studio* Serves those bastards right.

ANL Filler Fic
12/26/02

      The wind blew sharply over Lodoss, the cursed island. The battles waged across it had devastated and ruined the once rich and plentiful kingdoms. The dragons had laid siege to it and held it within their claws, forcing the serfs to attend to their horrible orders. Lodoss had fallen on hard times without heroes to save it. Strangely enough, this island possesses no relevance to the story.
      Sephy mulled over his work in the Anime News Letter Headquarters. His private office (the only office in the building) was cluttered with fines, restraining orders, grenade launchers, death notices, warrants for arrest, pokeballs, reviews of anime and video games, and other such things that an editor normally has in their office. In the previous years, Skuld had always been around to clean his office but now she was off at Goddess School to learn how to be a decent goddess. Shampoo had left on a temporary leave of absence and he didn’t know when she would be back. Of course, Skuld’s older sister was back, but he didn’t know if he could trust her quite yet. Sephy would just have to live in that horrible mess until the girl from the Agency arrived.
      While Sephy troubled himself with his duties, Purin had taken to cleaning his Mega Buster, a weapon that Megaman has used for countless adventures. The jigglypuff was delightfully surprised when Doctor Light made him one. Of course, he had made Sephy the Z Giga Buster, something that Zero, a Wily-bot, would find in a capsule some years later. That trusting Light. Giving such a powerful weapon to his mortal enemy’s most destructive robot in the year 21XX. Tampering a little more with the design, the mad scientist jigglypuff had updated it so that he could input soil into it to use summon spells. Naturally, Sephiroth wanted the same. Something about a hopefully will be translated anime called Final Fantasy Unlimited motivated them to create such modifications in their weapons. This had entertained him for several months and provided a lot of filler for the story.
      Xellos had more things on his mind than altering weapons of mass destruction. His fiancée Filia was getting very demanding of becoming married very quickly before the mazoku could find a way out. No spell and not even the Lord of Nightmares could help him find a way out. He had even tried to trick Lina Inverse into helping him, but to no avail. Apparently he was too evil and underhanded for her tastes as she refused to confess to the God of Dragons, Bahumat, that she was Filia’s secret lover and that the gods were obstructing true love. Usually, he was very sneaky and would have succeeded but shear desperation overwhelmed him. Xellos sat at his desk and sighed and clicked away through messages at mazoku.net seeing if anyone had replied to his post regarding dragon cuisine and hiring greater demons to do a little dragon slaying.
      Belldandy sat happily across the room from Xellos boiling some tea to bring to her beloved fiancée, Sephiroth. With Shampoo, Sailor Mercury, Yuri of the Dirty Pair, and many others mysteriously disappeared for a leave of absence (Shampoo at least, no one knew when the others might pop up), Sephiroth was all hers. She laughed a little in happiness as she poured the hot water into the cup. After her resurrection, Belldandy showed no signs of the previous evil self she had became during the second season of the News Letter. Sephy and Purin seemed a bit worried but Cyber Kitty assured them that she wouldn’t become evil again and that a little bit of editing and forgetting would do everyone a little good. After all, there is barely anyone around that even remembers or has read season two.
      Cyber Kitty sat bored at his desk as he watched Belldandy happily walk into Sephy’s office. The red cat with a black crescent moon on his forehead sighed. He got another letter from Nabeshin, the new director of Sailor Moon, saying that they didn’t intend on killing of Artemis and introducing a Negaverse cat to steal Luna’s love and that he was to stop writing them. Cyber Kitty looked at his inbox seeing what work he could do to take his mind off of the mess. Nothing. It was almost Christmas and Sephiroth hadn’t written anything after Lum died in a mysterious portal accident that involved a microwave and a nondairy creamer. Maybe this new girl would take his mind off of her. Since the Agency’s creation in the 1100’s by Genji, anime had no end to new characters. This same Agency also redirected characters to the ANL when they needed new work. He smiled. Yes. A new girl to fall completely in love with Sephiroth. Cyber Kitty knew that that was all that was needed to take Sephiroth’s mind off of Lum. As long as that happened, all Cyber Kitty would have left to do is make sure Gatomon is still dead and that the panda, Gema Saotoby, was fed.
      Gema Saotoby read his manga in the corner. Not quite Mr. Saotome of Ranma 1/2 and not quite Gema from Di Gi Charat, he was an interesting character who had been reading from the very long forgotten (and quite horrible) season one of the ANL. He also happens to be Sephiroth’s college roommate. Even psychotic swordsmen who burn down German villages need a decent education. And so Saotoby sat reading the latest Hellsing manga. He liked vampires but they’re rather difficult to incorporate into the ANL as they sleep all day.
      The cast was fairly happy in these respects if not slightly bored from Sephiroth’s lack of initiative. Sephiroth had his cluttered mess, Purin his Mega Buster, Belldandy her love, Xellos his desperation to get out of marriage, Cyber Kitty his rejection, and Saotoby his manga. Unfortunately, an ominous figure entered the building, Sephiroth and Purin’s father, Hojo.
      “Well, I see that all of you still haven’t done anything.”
      “Jig jig!” Purin protested and held up the modified Mega Buster (henceforth the Purin Buster) and the modified Z Giga Buster (henceforth the Giga-Z Buster because it sounds cool when you say it, just like Renzokuken).
      “Or at least most of you haven’t been doing anything.” Sephiroth walked out of his office to greet his father. He brushed back a long strand of silver hair into place.
      “Hello ...father.”
      “Ah, there you are. I just wanted to inform you that you were Inu Yasha in a former life. Here’s the memory capsule to make you more screwed up than you are currently,” he said as he handed Sephy a blue pill.
      “I don’t think you’re supposed to say that to him -gema,” Gema commented. Hojo reacted by pouring water on the reporter and thus turning him into a panda. “Mmm hhmmm mmm -gema.”
      “Quiet panda.” Sephy downed the pill regardless and instantly became Inu Yasha. His silver hair and general features only changed slight but he was wearing red hakama and haori and sported fox ears.
      “Just wonderful. Now how the Hell do I transform back?”
      “Pull out the psychotic swordsman from within.” Concentrating, Inu Yasha reverted to Sephiroth. Suddenly, an ominous Megaman narrator announced the new ability.
      “You’ve got Inu Yasha Transformation!” Sephiroth threw a punch into the air as the light created a single star glint on his hair. Then he grabbed the Giga-Z Buster and equipped it. It was going to be a long day.

      Pink was walking down the streets and attracting odd looks from a lot of people. She was a normal cat slave wearing a short tiger stripped skirt split up the thigh with a big red bow across her back with the ribbon over her abdomen. She was a beautiful sight to see but she didn’t quite understand all the looks.
      “A little late to be out walking alone?” Pink turned to the voice to see an odd catlike creature in a trench coat and matching hat talking to her from on top of a few boxes stacked next to a street lamp. All she could see was his large tiger striped gloves and white tail striped purple sporting a spiked ring.
      “It’s the middle of the day,” she innocently explained.
      “What are you doing tonight?”
      “I can’t tell the future.”
      “What did you do last night?”
      “I’ve forgotten such ancient past.”
      “Then why not spend time with me? Perverted Dash!” In a blue stream of light, the mysterious figure appeared behind her. He snickered as he opened his paws. Nothing.
      “What was that about?” Pink blinked. She thought she felt something but she was certain that it was just the wind. The cat just sighed.
      “I would’ve expected some sexy lingerie from a cat girl or at least a pair of panties.” Pink twitched.
      “PERVERT!” She pulled a mallet out of subspace and smashed the cat into the ground. She then walked off to her new job.
      “Heh... haven’t been hit with a mallet like that in awhile.” Gatomon removed his hat. “Sephiroth’s going to have his hands full with this one. Yep, he’s going to be quite bu-” he was cut off as he body jerked in pain. He put a paw to his chest and realized his heart had been pierced by a bullet. Darkness overcame him once more.
      From on top of a nearby building equipped with a sniper rifle, Cyber Kitty smiled at the continuing success of his job.

      Challenges were issued as an eight participant Battle Square Tournament started. Sephiroth, Link (Legend of Zelda), Kenshin, Yohko (as in Devil Hunter), Gene Starwind (Outlaw Star), Rabi~en~Rose (Di Gi Charat), Protoman (Megaman), and Purin were all ready to fight. First match was Sephiroth versus Link. Hojo took over announcing.
      Hojo sat happily in the announcer booth. “Sephiroth versus Link. This is a complete victory match. No surrender and the opponent must cease function for victory to be achieved. Sword masters... roooobattle!”
      Walking across the stone floor, Sephiroth met Link’s gaze. He drew Masamune as Link drew out the Master Sword. It was going to be a desperate battle. Metal met metal as the first blows were dealt. The length of Sephiroth’s Masamune lent him a temporary advantage before Link passed by the outreach of the enormous katana. Sephiroth was prepared and swept back the sword grasped in his left hand and released a blue charged blast from the Giga-Z Buster, sending Link flying across the floor.
      Link spat out some blood as he took out a bomb and threw it at his rival. Sephiroth shot the bomb before it reached him and noticed a buster light turn on.
      “It moved. Soil, my strength,” he said as a pinwheel came out and spun black mist around him. Sephy’s buster turned into a massive gun through an odd CGI effect. “I’ve chosen the soil for the likes of you. Eternity of the night, Requiem Black,” he said as he loaded a black capsule. Link could only blink. “Rivers of flowing destiny, Aqua Green! Finally, one who does not forgive sin, Virgin White,” he said as he flipped the remaining two capsules into his buster. “Attack! Summoned Monster, Byakko,” he said as he fired beams of black, green, and white that merged into a ferocious tiger. Byakko glared at Link before releasing a drowning wave of water that crushed him against the wall. The God of all Tigers then took Link in his jaw and leaped into the clouds.
      “Functions ceased. The winner is Sephiroth!” The crowd cheered as the editor exited and passed Kenshin as he walked out to greet Yohko, his foe. “Second fight! Kenshin versus Yohko.”
      Kenshin opened up with his Ryu-tsui-sen and rendered her unconscious in one fell blow. “Oro?” He was slightly more than confused.
      “Function ceased. Victory to Kenshin.” Moombas, those delightful lion creatures from Final Fantasy VIII, removed Yohko from the field. “We have been informed that Rabi~en~Rose is ill and thus forfeits to Gene Starwind. Next fight will be Protoman versus Purin. Fight!”
      “I’ll make this quick,” Protoman bragged as he leaped into the air and sent a flurry of shots at Purin, blowing up the area around him. When the dust cleared, nothing could be seen of the jigglypuff. Suddenly he appeared with a red aura and fired a double helix shot, severely wounding the prototype for all Light bots.
      “Pop up is a wonderful ability. So is this, Paladin Sword!” A blue sword beam came out of the Purin Buster.
      “Dream Aura!” Protoman shielded himself from the nasty blows of Purin’s Buster Sword. Dream Aura was the ultimate defense ability and held out until the Paladin Sword’s energy faded and Protoman could heal himself. The battle continued to rage.
      “It’ll take more than that to save you,” Purin laughed.
      “Fire Tower,” Protoman touched his hand to the ground as rising pillars of flame dashed towards Purin.
      “Aqua Tower,” Purin countered and neutralized the attack. Elementally, he had the advantage and was about to strike the finishing blow. “ElecSword!” The Purin Buster flared to life as a sword beam of electricity shot out. He dashed and sliced off Protoman’s buster arm. Protoman was defeated. Purin landed a single disabling shot to the robot’s head.
      “Victory was achieved by Purin. Round one of the tournament was a disappointment but three more matches await us. Who will be the Battle Square Superstar this year? Stay tuned after this break and find out!”

      Pink entered the coliseum and was greeted by Cyber Kitty. She kneeled down and picked him up and hugged him.
      “What a cute cat!”
      “Thank you, I try to take care of my fur,” he said which visibly startled her. “What? Is it my breath?”
      “You can talk?”
      “To the dismay of many. Are you the new help from Agency?”
      “Oh! You’re my new boss?” Pink smiled but was slightly weirded out. Something didn’t seem right about working for a talking cat, but it was still better than working for that disposable talking mouse.
      “Nope, but he’s in the Battle Square Tournament right now. You can sit with me and the other staff members if you want.” Cyber Kitty lead her to the special ANL staff seating which was the same as the announcer booth. “This is Belldandy, Xellos, Gema Saotoby, and our editor’s father, Hojo.”
      “No time for chat boy, round two’s starting. We’re back to give you the best fight you’ve ever seen this year! Next round is Sephiroth versus Kenshin and Gene Starwind versus Purin. First up is that sinister villain from Final Fantasy VII, Sephiroth Jenova!” He entered the arena quietly as his fans cheered. Pink took a look at the trench coat clad swordsman and his long silver hair and blushed. She was so caught up staring at Sephy that she didn’t notice the glares that she was getting from Belldandy. “And his opponent will be that lovable rurouni, Kenshin Himura!” The samurai dashed in and immediately took a defensive stance. “Fight!”
      Sephiroth ran at Kenshin using Saitoh’s famous gotetsu stance to block Kenshin’s first swing. Metal met metal as round two officially began.
      “Sephiroth just made a bold move by using Saitoh’s trademark gotetsu first stance. Kenshin is very familiar with that move, but apparently Sephiroth just used it to force Kenshin into a forward offensive stance! This battle is really heating up,” Hojo commented.
      “So Ryu Sen!” Kenshin dragged his sword through the stone floor sending rocks flying at his opponent. Sephiroth raised his buster and blasted away the rubble to be greeted with another one of Kenshin’s moves. “Do Ryu Sen!” Wild and random slashes struck at Sephiroth creating a dust cloud.
      “Kenshin is not holding back with any of his techniques. Can Sephiroth survive?” The dust cleared as Kenshin leaped back. Sephiroth was still standing and holding his scratched buster in a defensive position. “Sephiroth is still in it! His speed and skill has matched Kenshin’s God Speed! What will be his next move? Will we see another summon or will Sephiroth come up with a new surprise?”
      “Lord of the Darkness and Four Worlds, I beseech thy fragments; by all of the power thou possesseth, grant the heavens' wrath to my hand; unleash the sword of dark, freezing nothingness...” Sephiroth sheathed his Masamune as he chanted.
      Xellos stood up and promptly left. “This is going to get very explosive very quickly. I’m going to go grab a hot dog,” he announced as he promptly dashed for the nearest exit.
      “Why would he leave like that?” Belldandy thought for a second before remembering who the Lord of Darkness was. “Oh. Hm. I think I’ll get a hot dog, too,” she said as she grabbed Cyber Kitty and left. Saotoby shrugged and ate some bamboo.
      “By our power, our combined might, let us walk as one along the path of destruction- LAGUNA BLADE!” Sword beams of black energy flowed from the Giga-Z Buster and merged into a single energy blade. Sephiroth swung at Kenshin and engulfed the entire Battle Square in a black version of the ultima spell. Day became night and no one could see anything. Pink looked through the darkest night for her hero. Strangely enough, the colosseum wasn’t consumed.
      “I think we can all be glad that we magically shield the audience from these devastating spells,” Hojo announced. “That spell was the Laguna Blade, translated by Xellos out of the Claire Bible. The Giga-Z Buster’s advanced technology was apparently able to contain and convert this powerful skill long enough for a finishing blow to be dealt.” Kenshin laid unconscious with swirls for eyes. “Victory goes to Sephiroth!” Moombas removed Kenshin and Sephiroth walked out. “Next fight features the captain of the Outlaw Star, the famous Gene Starwind!” The captain waved to his adoring crowd as he walked out. “His opponent will be the head scientist of Seafoam Labs, Purin Oak!” The jigglypuff dashed out prepared to fight. “The semifinals continue, fight!”
      Gene released several blasts from his pistol which Purin dodged with amazing speed. Hojo suddenly realized something.
      “Purin’s speed is from his dash boots, which are very similar to X’s dash boots from 21XX,” the mad scientist announced.
      “Thanks Dad, give everything away,” Purin grumbled. He sent his own flurry of shots at Gene which were also dodged. “Paladin Sword!” The blue sword beam bounced off of Gene’s armored futuristic gauntlets. Gene pulled out a light saber and clashed swords for a while before Purin had to retreat. The Paladin Sword was wonderful yet lacked battle stamina.
      “How about a number five?” Gene pulled out his legendary gun and loaded a capsule into it.
      “Jiggly?” A large blast flew through the air and buried Purin in light. Almost nothing could survive. Except a pokeball. When the light cleared, a special blue pokeball rolled and opened up.
      “Who’s that pokemon?” Hojo asked.
      “It’s Purin!” the crowd answered in unison as the scientist pokemon released a charged double helix shot, rendering Gene unconscious.
      “Purin has come up with a new invention to help him in battles, the self activated pokeball, and won the fight. Join us after a brief break for the finals- Sephiroth versus Purin, a match of sibling rivalry!”
      “Sephiroth is so wonderful,” Pink commented. “The way he handled himself was really cool.”
      “Ah, so you’re the new girl from Agency. Sephiroth will be glad to meet you.”
      “You mean I actually get to meet him?!”
      “Yes. He’s your new employer, after all.” Pink smiled and blushed in excitement of the concept. Meanwhile, Xellos was dragged back to the booth by Filia.
      “You’re marrying me, like it or not!”
      “Wouldn’t you rather marry a dragon? Like that one?” Xellos pointed at the protagonist from the Breath of Fire series who had showed up to see the tournament. “Besides, marriage between dragons and mazoku is strictly forbidden.”
      Filia smiled as she took out a scroll. “’I, the Lord of Nightmares, hereby acknowledge the marriage of Xellos Metallium to Filia the Gold Dragon.’ Enough authority for you yet?” Xellos twitched.

      Sephiroth double-checked his equipment. His Masamune was in prime condition and the Giga-Z Buster was only moderately scratched from his fight with Kenshin. The next round would be tough. Purin was an accomplished fighter and had many cards up his sleeve. Sephy slid a few materia into his buster rifle. He wasn’t going to be a push over in this fight. Sephy looked up as Cyber Kitty entered the room with a cat girl in tow.
      “Cyber Kitty, how much zenny has the ANL acquired so far?”
      “Tickets at the gate are grossing at four thousand whereas Pay-per-view is grossing at ten thousand. Any rate, this is the new girl from Agency, Pink.”
      “It is a pleasure to have you on the staff,” Sephiroth said as he started to walk over, tripped, and fell with his head in-between her breasts. Pink seemed a little shocked as Sephy quickly jumped back blushing intensely. “I- uh... I apologize!” Sephiroth bowed.
      “It’s all right,” Pink said as she nervously laughed as a sweat drop slid down the back of her head. Cyber Kitty just smiled. Everything was going according to plan in his little fuzzy head.
      “I must be off to my next fight,” Sephiroth said as he started to walk out. As he passed through the door, he flicked a black silk rose towards Pink which she easily caught in her hands.

      Purin was nearly ready for his next fight. An army of eevee ran about double-checking readings and their head scientist’s equipment. An odd pikachu-like pokemon with oddish’s hair stood near Purin with a worried look on her face.
      “You sure you’ll be okay?” she asked.
      “Jig-jig-jig,” Purin laughed. “I need to double check my pokedex, though.” He removed a blue pokedex from his lab coat and pointed it at the mysterious pokemon.
      “Oddichu, the crossbreed of Oddish and Pikachu. This pokemon has both the combined strengths and weaknesses of Pikachu and Oddish. Level 69, HP 240. Strengths: Electric, Plant, Water. Weak against: Rock. Attacks: Solar Beam, Thunderbolt, Tackle, and Sunny Day. Oddichu is not equipped with any items.”
      “Good! It works!” Purin received a quick kiss on the cheek for luck as he walked into the arena. As he left, he flicked a blue rose which Oddichu caught with her paws.

      “Finals have begun! Only two competitors are left standing for this Christmas Special of the Anime News Letter’s Battle Square! Who will take home the title? Entering now is Sephiroth Jenova, SOLDIER First Class and the sole surviving Cetra,” Hojo announced. “In the opposite corner is Purin Oak, Pokemon Master and mad scientist extraordinaire!”
      “Jiga jig! Jigglypuff,” Purin puffed at his older brother.
      “I don’t care.” Sephiroth drew out his Masamune and struck his favorite battle pose.
      “So it begins, Battle Square Final Match! Go!”
      “Evolution!” Purin glowed white as he changed into Jiggleevee, the crossbreed of jigglypuff and eevee. “Purin evolved to Jiggleevee!”
      “Trance,” Sephiroth announced as he eyes glowed a bright green as a single angel wing grew out of his right shoulder ripping his trench coat. “Now the fight really begins.” Sephiroth slashed at Purin to have him counter with the Rainbow Katana, the Chrono’s ultimate weapon from Chrono Trigger. Blows were dealt back and forth, Sephiroth with skill and grace knocking away every single blow from the pokemon despite the enormous length of his sword. Purin was forced into a temporary retreat.
      “Fire blast!” Purin turned into a flareon for a moment to deliver the heat packed attack.
      “Wicked souls part thy ways to bring a crashing flood, Water,” Sephiroth chanted as water rushed towards to raging fire attack to extinguish it. Purin reverted to Jiggleevee. “You’ll need a tougher technique to defeat me.”
      “That’s it!” Purin yelled as he generated a golden aura that flared around him. In the flash of an eye, his fur turned golden as he became a Super Saiyan Jiggleevee. “You haven’t seen the true powers of SSJE!”
      Sephiroth yawned. “I’m sure I have a lot to fear out of the cute over commercialized little brother. I’ll see you on the other side,” he announced as he leveled his Giga-Z Buster and shot energy blasts in rapid succession at SSJE. When the dust cleared, the Jiggleevee wasn’t even scratched. Purin then launched himself and proceeded to pound the swordsman into the ground.
      “Jig-jig-jig... Eeeevee!”
      “Take my ultimate summon.” Sephiroth faded as red summon spheres swirled around him. Far off in the distance, a hurtling meteor crashed through planets in rapid succession with its destination in the sun. Upon contact, the sun exploded into a supernova expanding until it enveloped Purin dealing massive damage and ending his Super Saiyan transformation. Fortunately, the Great Will reset the rest of the damage done to the universe.
      “The Super Nova summon,” Hojo commented. “Sephiroth summons a meteor to crash into the sun bringing doom to not just his enemies but the entire world. Fortunately, that great accomplish to the World Ideal Organization Across, the Great Will, is around to reset most of the damage. With being Super Saiyan, can Jiggleevee defeat the One Winged Angel Sephiroth? Wait... doesn’t Purin need to be Saiyan to transform into a Super Saiyan?”
      Suddenly, a light in both of their busters started to glow. “It moved,” they said in unison. In more cool CGI effects, their busters transformed into demonic guns. “I’ve chosen the appropriate soil for the likes of you!”
      “Feathers of the world gathered, Canary Yellow!” Sephiroth clicked a vial into his gun.
      “Flowing seas of tranquility, Emerald Green!” Purin clicked a vial into his gun.
      “Mystery of the Twilight, Lovely Rose!” Sephiroth tossed a vial into the air which slid into place in his gun.
      “Burning soul of desire, Ruby Red!” Purin quickly loaded another vial.
      “One who does not forgive sin, Virgin White!” Sephiroth hit his soil vial pouch which sent a final vial spinning into the air which clicked into place.
      “Trees stand your place, Forest Green,” Purin screamed as he slid a final vial in.
      “Rampage! Summoned Creatures, Choco-Mog,” Sephiroth said as he fired his gun summoning a mog with a bandana riding a chocobo.
      “Protect! Summoned Creature, Carbuncle!” Purin’s beams mixed to summon a green bunny like creature with a red gem in its forehead.
      “This is a twist to the battle! Sephiroth and Purin both summoned creatures to fight. Choco-mog, a summon unique to Final Fantasy VII, attacks in an all out charge that usually ends in a minor attack. Carbuncle, on the other hand, has appeared in several Final Fantasy games but can only protect the summoner with reflect.”
      “Choco-mog! Attack!” Sephiroth pointed at the opposing creature. The chocobo charged as the mog got out a pike. Carbuncle used his magical powers to create a shell to protect him.
      “Use that spell I taught you, Bunny-bunny! Use the power of the Aeon Soul, one-hundred Ultima Gems!” Purin laughed maniacally. The bunny esper glowed blue as the ultima spell ripped through the arena vaporizing the opposing summoned creatures. Sephiroth walked over and bunted Carbuncle out of the arena. Purin sighed. “The ASPCA’s going to be after you again.”
      “We’ll see about that.” Sephiroth spun kicked Purin across the arena.
      “Time to take it up to a new level! JigglyMech Zero-1, arrive!” Purin was teleported into his gundam the JigglyMech Zero-1. During the second season, Purin made this mecha based on blueprints and some weapons from an obscure anime called MAPS.
      “Cyber Kitty, I’m going to borrow your mecha.” Sephiroth teleported into the Neko Kami-sama (formally KittyMech Zero-1), the ANL Censor’s mecha. The catlike gundam was very similar to Deathscythe in design, minus the thermal scythe but equipped with thermal attack claws.
      “Looks like the two have decided to use mecha in this fight,” Hojo said as he activated a hologram in the arena to display the continuing fight.
      “Suicide cannon!” Purin activated a switch. Deep in his mecha, a bunch of pikachu were running around in a glass chamber chanting ‘pika-pika-chu-chu’ as a spinning metal blade descended from the ceiling and reduced them to liquefied goo. The energy from their fear, self-loathing, and hatred powered the most powerful weapon on the JigglyMech Zero-1. A large cannon popped out of the back of the mech and aimed for Sephiroth’s. The beam shot out from it turned everything into a bright white light. When Purin’s eyes adjusted, he couldn’t see any remains of the enemy mech.
      “Is this it for Sephiroth? Has he finally been defeated?” Hojo leaned on the table to look for any trace of the mech. Even if the blast completely destroyed Neko Kami-sama, at least there would’ve been some remains scattered about the now desolate wasteland.
      “No... Sephiroth can’t die,” Pink said as she fought back a tear.
      “Bastard, getting my mech destroyed like that.”
      “Wait,” Hojo interrupted. “What’s this? Sephiroth is not out! The Neko Kami-sama is descending from the clouds using its thermal powered wings.”
      “Get him, Sephiroth! Teach that jiggly-thing a thing or two,” Pink cheered.
      Neko Kami-sama folded its wings back and descended with its claws pointing at the head of the JigglyMech Zero-1. Piercing the thick armor, Sephiroth piloted the mech to rip it apart, lift it up, and then toss it in an exploding heap at the ground. Purin shot out from the cockpit.
      “Looks like Team Jiggly’s blasting off agaiiin!” With that, Purin faded into a star ping.
      “Sephiroth’s finished Purin in the finals of this Christmas edition of the Battle Square!” Sephiroth teleported back into the arena as the hologram faded.
      “Please refrain from leaving my mecha out in open fields,” Cyber Kitty mumbled. The victory music from the end of battles in the Final Fantasy games resonated through the Battle Square. Sephiroth in a few elegant moves sheathed his Masamune.
      “Sephiroth, you’ve done it again,” Hojo congratulated as he handed the editor the trophy. Pink was walking by his side. Sephiroth stepped off of the raised platform to trip and fall into a kiss with Pink. Hojo just smiled. “Yes, it looks like you’ve really done it again.”

      The next day, the Anime News Letter Headquarters were back to normal. Normal, as in, nothing was actually normal at all.
      Sephiroth looked around at his office. Everything was neat and organized. This, in itself, was very abnormal. He shifted through a few damage claims before crumbling them up and throwing them away. He didn’t need to deal with those, anyway. Sephy sighed happily as he watched the snow fall. It was going to be a very lovely day.
      Pink enjoyed her new job. With Belldandy still not being trusted, she had to make Sephiroth his tea. She poured the hot water over the tea bag in his favorite mug and brought it to him swiftly. Belldandy was taken aback by this change of events. Sephiroth was supposed to be hers and not the cat slut’s. Her revenge would come soon, however.
      Purin was busy shining his Purin Buster. Sephiroth was going to pay for this travesty. The mad scientist pokemon’s day of revenge would come soon. But not before toast. The jigglypuff walked over to the toaster and ate his bready meal.
      Saotoby had moved on to reading Inu Yasha manga. For whatever reason, the first part of the Story had little to do with the rest of it. Hojo dropped by to just deliver the Inu Yasha pill to Sephiroth and that was it. There wasn’t even a Battle Square tournament planned for yesterday, now that he thought about it. He turned to Cyber Kitty.
      “Weren’t there some huge plot holes in this story -gema?”
      “Shh! Trying to work,” Cyber Kitty said as he shifted through articles with a big red pen editing out vulgarity. “But yes, every ANL has plot holes. Including the new season. We already scheduled a plot hole for issue three.”
      “Ummm -gema.”
      “Exactly.”
      Even Gatomon sat at his desk fondling through some bras. The perverted cat digimon, HentaiGatomon, was back in his element. That was, before Cyber Kitty took out a revolver and shot him.
      “I said stay dead!” Sephiroth laughed as he heard the gun shot. It was another normal day. Then a report floated into Sephiroth’s office that Lodoss had been liberated from the rule of the evil dragons. Apparently Skuld had taken up Dragon Slaying 101 at Nekomi Tech and was pushed ahead to the 401 class.
      “What was Skuld’s number again?” Xellos popped up in his usual aggravating way behind Sephiroth.
      “Sore wa... himitsu desu!” Sephiroth winked at the mazoku. Xellos countered by bopping the cetra on the head with his staff.
      “That’s my line!”
      “XELLOS-CHAN!” Filia stormed up to him wielding her club. “The lawn hasn’t been mowed today!”
      “But it’s December.”
      “I don’t care,” she said as she rendered her fiancée unconscious and dragged him off.
      “You think we’ll ever be like that, Sephy-sama?”
      “Maybe I should just break down and get a girlfriend,” Sephiroth sighed.
      “You already have one,” Belldandy chimed in. Sephiroth sighed as he pictured the goddess carrying a basket of flowers. Yes. Flower girl... must kill...
      “Yep! That’s me,” Pink cheerily said.
      “Since when?” Belldandy glared at the cat girl. Sephiroth thought that those evil pills were kicking in again. A rope lowered and he pulled it, opening a trap door and sending Belldandy hurtling down the shaft.
      “Across had the right idea in installing one of these puppies.” Pink glomped her boss. Things were going to get interesting again. Especially as his pokemon, Sentret, and his loyal black cabbit and interstellar star craft, Kamui, walked in.
      “Haven’t you learned anything, boy -gema?! The South Japanese seas are filled with giant man eating octopi -gema!”
      “Oh no! Then Kasumi! Ah!” Bryoga screamed. That jigglypuff had one too many forms. Sephiroth, being Seanma, wasn’t one to say much, however. Then again, he was also Inu Yasha and most likely everyone forgot that he was also Shinji. Despite the fact that no one knew that. Or even read that bizarre ANL Fic explaining that. Yep. That explains it all.
      It really was going to be another normal day at ANL HQ.