Anime News Letter Season 4:
ANL Neo

Season 4, Issue 8

Anime News Letter
Season 4, Issue 8
7/24/03

Editor/Reviews/Battle Square: Sephiroth/Inu Yasha/Seanma
Tea Wench/All Purpose Cat Girl/Asst. Editor/Webmaven: Pink
Lowly Reporter/Asst. Editor: Purin/Bryoga/Eevee/Jiggleevee/Kyusaku
Hyper Ninja: Yuffie/Kunimitsu
ANL Bounty Hunter: Iria
Card Game Expert/Monster Trainer/Hopeful Future Dictator: Joey/Daisuke/Ilpalazzo
Local Mazoku/Priest/Head Writer: Xellos Metallium/Alucard
Announcer: Koto

Dear viewer,
      Sorry for the delay of the release of this issue, but it’s been a tough summer for everyone on the ANL staff, and our releases have been affected because of it. It’ll probably be close to fall when the next issue comes out and we are sorry for the inconvenience. To make up for it, we’ll have a filler story available on our web site in a month or so explaining the adventures of the staff on the island, the remaining people in ANL HQ (a pokemon fic, to be honest), and what happens to Purin, Shampoo, and Pink. Some old favorite characters are coming back for these stories, so don’t miss out! Be sure to check out our web site as well if you’re lost in the plot.
Sincerely,
Sephiroth Jenova
P.S. For everyone interested, yes, the cruise on the Hanaryu was supposed to be a three hour tour... a three hour tour. ...damn it. Should’ve stopped at one and a half, but nooo...

Manga Review: Chobits
Written by Purin
Purin: ****
      In the world of computer technology there’s always constant growth and a healthy stock of new surprises, but this is big. Meet the newest wave of computers- the Persocon: computers that are modeled after living creatures. Now these can be modeled after dogs, cats, bunnies, etc., but the most popular is to have them in the shape of attractive women. Then there’s the male protagonist: a hopeless young man by the name of Hideki. He’s near broke, and he’s stuck spending his time in school trying to learn what he hasn’t been able to for the past 4 to 12 years. Now, there are two things he wants most: his own Persocon, and porn. Once again, the broke thing factors in. Fortunately, he comes upon a Persocon in a trash heap. There are a few tiny problems with the thing. One, it has NO DATA and it’s vocabulary is reduced to “chi.” Secondly, Any Persocon hooked up to it will crash. Finally, it has a very inconvenient on switch. That Persocon, now called Chi, is starting to learn (albeit fastest from porn, but...). This is a series that is not even thought of for any sort of minor. This is a strange comedy filled with all the things that you’d think of being in hentai, but thanks to the fact that they’re computers, this can be ignored.

Anime Review: Digimon Series 4
Written by Purin
Purin: ****
      A long time ago, there was a great war between the beast Digimon and the humanoids. This was a violent war that tore the world at its seams. The battles raged on until an angel descended and brought peace. The angel, Lucemon, soon became corrupt, and ten soon-to-be-legendary warriors effected a coup d’ tat. Three angels were placed in power; Serafimon who had dominion over law, Ofalimon, Serafimon’s female counterpart and ruler of love and peace, and Cherubimon, a bunny who controlled the beasts. Soon, Cherubimon became paranoid that the other two would overthrow him. This ends with Cherubimon becoming evil, Ofalimon being captured, and Serafimon being sealed in a prism.
      Now, the legendary warriors sealed themselves in little statues called spirits, waiting for the time they’ll be needed again. Cherubimon got his hands on five of these spirits, and recreated the legendary warriors using his dark powers. The other five are, well... In Tokyo, there have been a lot of strange phone calls, all telling people to go to the local train port, grab a ticket, go to the next station, and go down. About B31, there’s a ton of colored trains. Following a kid named Takuya, because he’s wearing red and a pair of goggles, the trains depart. This is where we meet three of the other heroes; Zoie, an Italian who has a bad history with xenophobia, JT, who uses candy to get himself out of almost every situation, and Tommy, a little kid who was pushed in the train.
      As they get off, they see two Digimon running from Cerebusmon, a follower of Cherubimon. These followers are intent on literally ripping the world apart at its seams and of course, taking the spirits and devouring them. Cerebusmon steals the land right under everyone, and reveals the hiding place of a spirit. Takuya, being the traditional Digimon "leader" says that it is his. With this, Cerebusmon attacks him, and drags him into the spirits area. Turns out, it is his. He steps out, not Takuya, but the legendary warrior of fire Agunimon.
      With this, the group goes out to try and stop the evil Cherubimon and save the Digital World. This is a great series if you know what’s going on.

Battle Square NEO
Pink: *sweat drop* Seeing as how Sephiroth and Koto are both missing, we won’t have a Battle Square today.
Shampoo: This is depressing, no? Sephy make up ANL. Shampoo used to always be able to fill in for Sephy.
Pink: *twitch* Well... I’m sure he’ll be back soon.
Cyber Kitty: What’s that up in the sky?!
Pink: A bird?
Shampoo: Is a plane?
Purin: *flies in on his doduo* No! It’s Purin! ...well, Pink was technically correct, but... Sephiroth stole the Hanaryu III and flew off but set it on fire and now he’s back on that island!
Cyber Kitty: I’ll go get Kamui... *walks off*
Pink: Purin! Let me show you this great book I’ve been reading! *takes out the Universe of the Four Gods*
Purin: Oh no... *gets wide eyed as she opens the book and the three of them get sucked in*
[Meanwhile... back at the island...]
Sephy: *is sitting back in a beach chair sipping lemonade from a coconut*
Yuffie: Where did you get the coconut?
Koto: *looking up at a coconut tree* Probably from this.
Yuffie: And the lemons?
Koto: *points to a funny bush* From the lemon bush, of course.
Yuffie: *sweat drop* Do lemons even grow on bushes?
Xellos: Sore wa-
Iria: Oh no you don’t! *throws Xellos into the ocean*
[At ANL HQ...]
Cyber Kitty: Sentret, have you seen Kamui the Dark Cabbit?
Sentret: *puts down his game controller* He went off with Sephy on the Hanaryu III.
Cyber Kitty: Oh. *starts walking off but then quickly stops* What?
Sentret: *starts playing his game again* I said he was on the Hanaryu III.
Cyber Kitty: *sighs*
[In the Mysterious Play]
Purin: This doesn’t look good... *is back to back with Pink and Shampoo being surrounded by vagabonds*
Shampoo: You no have luck fighting Amazon woman! *strikes a fighting position*
Pink: *summons her mallet out of subspace*
Purin: Lock and load! *fires a shot from his Purin Buster, taking down one of the enemy as Pink and Shampoo leap into the fray*
[At Sephiroth’s Island]
Kamui: Mreow. *delivers another drink to Sephiroth while wearing a cute cabbit butler suit*
Sephy: Thank you, my good man.
Joey: Yo, Sephy, why can’t we just fly out of here on Kamui?
Sephy: *tilts his sunglasses down to look at the duelist* Do I remember you mentioning that you wanted a paid vacation?
Joey: Oh yeah! Now you’re talking!
[Back the the Mysterious Play (already in progress)]
Tasuki: Kill them all and rob their bodies!
Pink: *is slowly flattening the ones that advanced on her*
Shampoo: *starts falling back* Hiya, we in trouble.
Purin: *sends a deadly double-helix shot through a small line of the brigands* Yep. We’re screwed.
???: *jumps into the fray and starts tossing thief after thief out of the way, rupturing many of them unconscious*
Tasuki: Not this time! Reka Shinen! *sends a wave of fire out from his iron fan at the mysterious cloaked figure*
???: *jumps out of the way in time but at the loss of his cloak* Or maybe I’ll stop you for good this time. *performs the FF VI move “Bum Rush” on Tasuki, throwing him into the upper strata*
Tasuki: Look’s like time for cliches agaiiin! *star pings*
Tamahome: Are you all right?
Pink: *heart eyes* Wow! What a hunk!
Shampoo: Hmph. Still no good... unlike Seanma.
Purin: *picks up the metal fan and waves it around* Here. *hands it to Pink who takes it*
Tamahome: Come on, we don’t want to be out past nightfall.
Pink: *throwing her mallet and fan into subspace* Why?
Tamahome: The son of Byakko is roaming around at night.
Shampoo: Shampoo is not afraid.
Purin: ... *double checks his equipment* Um. We’re speaking Chinese. *quietly* Why does Shampoo still sound stupid?
Tamahome: Come on. Let’s hurry.

Yu-Gi-Oh Card Of The Week
Brought to you by Sephiroth Jenova
Magic Card: A Legendary Ocean
Card Text: "The card name is treated as "umi." Downgrade all WATER monsters in both players’ hands and on the field by 1 level. Increases the ATK and DEF of all WATER monsters by 200 points."
      This is the best card in the world for water decks, without question. Umi’s been out-placed by Umiruuka for several expansions, and even with Tornado Wall, Umiruuka was the field of choice to use. Now, A Legendary Ocean, even though the ATK/DEF increase is less than Umiruuka, is most definitely the best field of choice for any and all water decks. Suijin, a seven star water monster from the second expansion is available for just one tribute, and the five star, previously useless, monsters like Legendary Fisherman and Deepsea Warrior, are most definitely now worthy of being added to the deck. Activate Tornado Wall with this out there and you’re near invincible. Of course, a good Mystical Space Typhoon could get the better of you, so keeping three A Legendary Ocean cards and a number of Magic Jammers and Magic Drains should do more than their worth in your deck. I’d give this card 9/10 for making water decks the new formidable deck idea on the block.

Closing- ANL HQ
Cyber Kitty: *perks up ears* Intruder Alert! Section 4B, alert! *turns on intercom* Sentret, Dark Raichu, intercept the people breaking in!
[in a distant part of ANL HQ]
Sentret: *grabs Excaliber* Let’s go.
Dark Raichu: *unsheathes Atma Weapon* Mine foes run red with blood this eve. *runs off*
???: *looks like a Jigglypuff with a thief bandana* Let’s just steal the goods and get out of here.
??? #2: *is a jigglypuff in green robes with a summoner’s horn* Agreed. Let’s do this job and return home.
Dark Raichu: Halt fiends! Thine hour of demise be now! Dark Lightning! *lightning fires from Dark Raichu which is absorbed by the summoner’s horn*
??? #2: My name is Jigsom, Summoner of Spirits. As you see, my Runic Horn absorbs all magical attacks.
???: Name’s Cleptopuff the Thief, pleasure as always!
Dark Raichu: Mine name is Dark Raichu, loyal servant of Lord Sephiroth.
Sentret: Sentret Jenova, Admiral of the ANL Navy. Slash attack! *slashes at Cleptopuff who blocks with a dagger*
Jigsum: Immortal of Fire, come forth to serve me... Ifrit! *summons the fire demon*
Ifrit: *growls in anger before unleashing Hell’s Inferno attack on the two ANL pokemon*
MewTwo: *arrives out of subspace and stops the attack with his psychic power* I’ll hold off this summon, kill the mage.
Dark Raichu: To Hell with thee! *slashes at Jigsum, hitting him hard*
Cleptopuff: That weapon... Thief attack! *steals Atma Weapon from Dark Raichu*
Sentret: Damn it! *slashes at Cleptopuff to find out that he cut a log in half* Damn substitution technique!
Dark Raichu: *eyes glow red* Five Technique Combination. Calm Mind, Double Team, Slash, Thunderpunch, Firespin! *closes eyes and seems to radiate a peaceful state before throwing them wide open and splitting into several copies, his fists crackling with thunder as he starts punching Jigsum repeatedly with a ring of fire blazing around him- the final punch sending Jigsum into a far wall* Dark Raichu’s Secret Technique- Nocturnal Flare.
Cleptopuff: *grabs Jigsum and throws a smoke bomb* Thanks guys! Couldn’t have done it without ya!
MewTwo: *unsummons the beast* They were waiting for the base to be unguarded.
[After the Intermission of the Mysterious Play]
Tamahome: *is running with the three foreigners in the dark part of twilight* We’re not going to make it to Konan in time!
Purin: That a city?
Tamahome: We’d be safe there...
???: ...but definitely not here.
Tamahome: *strikes a battle pose*
???: Now, now, dear Tamahome, think I’d let you live after your second encounter with me?
Purin: Wait... I know that voice.
Shampoo: Hiya! Is it really?!
White Tiger: *reveals himself wearing a similar outfit to what Sephy normally wears* It is me, the Son of Byakko, the Angel of Death.
Purin: White Tiger, the anthropromorpic freak. Also known as Locke from Final Fantasy VI! But only our long time subscribers would remember that.
White Tiger: *brings out his Kotetsu blade* Now it’s time to die, Tamahome!
Pink: *calls forth her fan* Raika Shinen! *it crackles with lightning a little*
Purin: It’s ‘Reka Shinen!’
Tamahome: *pulls out a pair of nunchaku and engages White Tiger*
Pink: Kamehameha! *blinks as nothing happens*
Shampoo: You stupid cat girl! Is ‘Reka Shinen!’
White Tiger: Dou Ryu Sen! *strikes the earth with his blade sending rocks flying at Tamahome who is not looking good at this point*
Pink: *does a solid sweep in front of her with the fan* Reka Shinen! *shoots fire, scorching White Tiger badly*
White Tiger: *jumps back from the flames panting for breath* You’ve won this round, Tamahome, but I will return.
[At ANL HQ in Hello Kitty’s makeshift room]
Cyber Kitty: ...and so that’s how Pink mastered the fire fan and saved Tamahome from the nefarious White Tiger. *closes the book*
Hello Kitty: Good night, Uncle Cyber Kitty.
Cyber Kitty: Good night, Hello Kitty. *takes out his sniper rifle and nails Gatomon in front of a disturbed Hello Kitty* And stay dead! *tucks Hello Kitty in and turns out the light*
Hello Kitty: *in a meek voice* ...eep...

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