Anime News Letter Season 4:
ANL Neo

Season 4, Issue 3

Anime News Letter
Season 4, Issue 3
2/6/03

Editor/Reviews/Battle Square: Sephiroth/Inu Yasha/Seanma
Tea Wench/All Purpose Cat Girl/Asst. Editor/Webmaven: Pink
Lowly Reporter/Asst. Editor: Purin/Bryoga/Eevee/Jiggleevee/Kyusaku
Article Writer: Gema Saotoby
ANL Bounty Hunter: Iria
Card Game Expert/Monster Trainer/Hopeful Future Dictator: Joey/Daisuke/Ilpalazzo
Local Mazoku/Priest/Head Writer: Xellos Metallium

Dear Reader,
      Well, here’s another great issue of the ANL for you! Purin wanted to review something Square, but since we still have our thousand year ban on Kingdom Hearts (hey... it worked for Yu-gi-oh, people actually semi-like it now), he’s reviewing Final Fantasy X for those of you who’ve been living in a cave with their fingers in their ears loudly humming the Westminster chime on Mars. Battle Square Neo features a fight between Hamtaro and Hello Kitty. The ANL web site is getting a complete makeover (i.e. updated... which hasn’t been done in two years). Other than that, it’s just more of the same!
Sincerely,
Sephiroth Jenova
Your Future God

Review: Final Fantasy X
Purin: ****
      In the metropolis of Zanarkand, there is a sport called Blitzball. With every game, there's a star. This game’s is a selfish jerk by the name of Tidus. The game is rudely interrupted by a huge... THING. Tidus ends up getting sucked into it with Auron, his father's best friend, and end up separated and in a land called Spira, where Tidus must figure a way to get home while joining with a summoner and her guardians to complete her pilgrimage to... Zanarkand.
      This is the first Final Fantasy game since Final Fantasy V that you meet your whole group within a half hour. This game boasts heightened graphics from using DVD technology and feeds off leftovers from Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. It also has the most customizable (and annoying) level up system; in fact, you could write a book about properly using it. The overall effects of the game and the customizability of it more than make up for the difficulty of some features.

Series Review: Hellsing
Written by Xellos
Xellos: *****   Sephiroth: *****
      The night is full of dangers. Imagine walking through the darkened streets of a city, hounded by horrifying creatures of a walking undeath. The stench of blood is in the air. Suddenly, in front of you, is a man in a red trench coat, seemingly appearing out of the shadows, with an enormous pistol pointed at your head. He fires, and behind you, a ghoul dissolves into dust. You've just had an encounter with Alucard, the Vampire mercenary of the Hellsing Institute.
      Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing, the [rather feisty, actually] leader of this institution, is the one who controls this walking death machine. She also commands a group of other [human, this time] troops... and recently, a new addition to the ranks of the Undead, Celes Victoria. All together, the Hellsing Institute is dedicated to ridding Britain of the Undead, in the name of God and the Queen. They are, however, increasingly being confronted with an army of Freaks--artificial vampires, created by implanting a regular human with a nefarious sort of chip.
      Will the Freaks destroy Hellsing, and, unchecked, ravage the country? How long can the Hellsing Institute keep the common people from learning of the existence of their activities, and those that they're fighting? And who is this mysterious, blessed-knife wielding priest who seems to have a particular vendetta toward Alucard? Hellsing. In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen.

Battle Square NEO
Sephy: This’s going to be our strangest battle yet! Hello Kitty fights Hamtaro!
Iria: *loads her rifle and aligns the sight on Sephy to double-check it* Who came up with that idea?
Sephy: ...I told you to stop doing that. Why are you doing that?
Xellos: Sore wa... himitsu desu!
Iria: *hits Xellos with her rifle*
Hello Kitty: That wasn’t nice.
Iria: *kicks her legs up on the announcer’s table and relaxes* Ah, who cares about him, anyway?
Xellos: Hm... I’m starting to really like her.
Hello Kitty: What does ‘sore wa himitsu desu’ mean, anyway?
Hamtaro: I’ve wanted to know, too!
Sephy: ...
Xellos: That’s a secret!
Pink: *snickers*
Hello Kitty: Huh? *innocent head tilt*
Hamtaro: Tell me what it means! It isn’t fair not to tell us!
Xellos: All right.
Hello Kitty and Hamtaro: Hurray!
Xellos: *smiles* That’s a secret.
Sephy: I think today’s goal is for Xellos to make heads explode.
Hello Kitty: I really want to know...
Xellos: *shrugs* That’s a secret.
Hamtaro: *dances around* Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!
Xellos: That’s a secret.
Hello Kitty: *grows impatient and eats Hamtaro*
Sephy: ‘Sore wa himitsu desu’ literally means ‘that’s a secret.’
Hello Kitty: Oh. I’m surprised my three friends didn’t tell me that. They’re from Japan.
Pink: Aren’t we all from Japan?
Sephy: I don’t have a hometown.
Gema Saotoby: It was a test tube -gema.
Hojo: No... he is my son.
Saotoby: We don’t believe that -gema.
Iria: I’m from Myce.
Xellos: ...and we all know my answer. *attracts odd looks* Do you really think I have to say that one line over and over again? I’ve done Shakespeare, you know.
*shadowy figures enter the arena*
??? #1: We’re from China.
??? #2: Hiya! Purinrin’s here!
??? #3: Pulinlin is here to serve all your ramen needs!
Hello Kitty: There you are! *smiles*
Purin: *gasps*
Sephy: *gulps* Rin Rin? Lin Lin? Sounds like amazons... which means that the first voice was Shampoo.
Hello Kitty: Purinko!
Purinko: *is wearing a blue ribbon in her hair* One of the 57 Jigglypuff of the Apocalypse has arrived!
Sephy: Well, on the one hand, it isn’t someone who would kill me for hiring Pink. On the other, it would seem that these insane jigglypuff are probably going to destroy the world.
Purinrin: *has a red ribbon* The three of us are destined to rule over all!
Pulinlin: *has a green ribbon* Nothing will stop us!
Cyber Kitty: That first fight was disappointing. *tosses a sword down in front of Hello Kitty* Care to take on a true challenge? Cat Scan technique! *flashes black and green*
Sephy: Twist after twist, we have a real battle going now. Cyber Kitty has used his final technique that we haven’t seen since classic, the Cat Scan. This move allows him to turn into any anime cat with subtle variations.
Cyber Kitty: *turns into Meowth with a half black and half silver facemask holding a sword*
Hello Kitty: *grabs the sword and spins around suddenly gaining a hat very similar to Link’s*
Cyber Kitty: *relentlessly slashes at Hello Kitty*
Hello Kitty: *squeezes her eyes shut as she blocks each blow*
Cyber Kitty: Is that the best you can do?!
Hello Kitty: I’ve never held a sword before!
Sephiroth: Hm. Maybe it was a mistake to have two characters from children’s anime fight it out.
Gatomon: Hello Kitty! Swipe him one for me!
Cyber Kitty: *tosses his sword, sending it spinning through Gatomon, digitally vaporizing him*
Iria: *yawns* This fight was over before it started.
Pink: But no one won.
Iria: Does that really matter? Does it?
Purinko: Yes.
Purinrin and Pulinlin: Yes! Yes! Purinko’s right!
Sephiroth: *twitches and presses the ‘star ping button’*
Purinrin, Pulinlin, and Purinko: *are all flung upwards* Look’s like Team Purinko’s blasting off agaiiin! *ping*
Cyber Kitty: To the empty room with you! *drags Hello Kitty off*
Saotoby: Are we even supposed to be making sense anymore -gema?
Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu!
Sephiroth: ...don’t think that I won’t push the button twice.

Yu-Gi-Oh Card Of The Week #3
Written by Sephiroth
Ritual Monster Card: Crab Turtle
      This is perhaps one of the more valuable cards to have in a deck at the moment and a must have in a water deck. The power of this aquatic monster is 2550/2500, nothing to be sneezed at. It’ll be a rare occasion where one will actually want to switch it into defensive position but it’s there nonetheless. This means Sword and Shield won’t affect it that much. Of course, it is an eight star tribute card. This could be a problem, but not in a tribute heavy deck. Joey gives me no end of complaints that I have three Blue Eyes White Dragons, two Summoned Skulls, one Red Eyes Black Dragon, and a Shadow Ghoul. This is the reason why I like Crab Turtle. One Blue Eyes from my hand and I have a 2550 creature out there to tear apart the enemy (plus a Blue Eyes if a Monster Reborn shows its face). Crab Turtle is, and will continue, to be a valuable part of my deck until the 3200 dark elemental eight star ritual creature is released in the future. Then I really won’t mind using my Blue Eyes in a ritual.

Closing- Pink’s House
Pink: *giggles as she serves Sephiroth tea*
Sephy: Hey, Purin, no more Jigglypuff of the Apocalypse if you’re going to write short reviews.
???: ...just one more for the moment. *jumps from out of no where* I am Koji, the Martial Artist Jigglypuff of the Apocalypse. *is sporting a green bandana*
Xellos: *smirks evilly*
Sephy: Let me guess, the summon spell for the Jigglypuff of the Apocalypse was in the Claire Bible.
Xellos: Not quite.
Purin: It was in the Éclair Bible! Yum!
Koji: We do like our éclairs.
Saotoby: *is in his panda form playing with a beach ball*
Sephy: ...
Pink: Oh dear. It looks like Mr. Saotoby will require something a little different for dinner. *pulls out a large plate of bamboo*
Saotoby: *tosses the beach ball away to eat bamboo... and it hits Sephiroth in the head turning him into Inu Yasha*
Inu Yasha: Yeah, as if we didn’t see that coming from a million miles away.
Koji: It’s the half-demon Inu Yasha! *pulls out a nunchuku*
Inu Yasha: *sighs* Not again. *grabs the Jigglypuff, runs outside, and throws it into a fast moving river*
Koji: This isn’t the last you’ve seen of meeee... *gets drowned out (hee hee) as he gets swept further down stream*
Inu Yasha: Yes it is.
Koji: No it isn’t! Ah! A gyrados! Get away from me! Get awa- *can’t be heard anymore*
Inu Yasha: Oh yes it is.
Cyber Kitty: We’re getting violent, aren’t we?
Inu Yasha: By the way, what is this empty room?
Xellos: Allow me to demonstrate... *runs off*

Hello Kitty: *is sitting in a white room on the floor completely alone with nothing to entertain her*
Xellos: *opens the door* HELLO KITTY!
Hello Kitty: Can you pretty please let me out?
Xellos: *closes the door and locks it*
Hello Kitty: *hears the lock click* Oh...

Xellos: *reappears* See?
Inu Yasha: Uh huh.
Iria: *stretches* Well, this’s been another waste of time.
Inu Yasha: You mean it’s been another great issue of the Anime News Letter.
Iria: *yawns* Sure.
Joey: Hey! I wasn’t even in this issue!
Xellos: *smirks and pushes Joey into the river*
Joey: I’ll get you for this Xelly!!! *gets carried off*

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