Season 2, Special 2: Anime Awards Night
Animé Awards Night - Are you ready?
WARNING: We have two lechers appearing in this special with their wild antics. We have rated this G, for everyone. *LOL*
NOTE: Rather than the Chat Room/Battle Square format, this is more of a fanfic and is written in traditional story format.
NOTE 2: It has come to our attention that SEVERAL of you did NOT read issue three. Two important things happened, we are unsure of Gatomon’s gender and
Belldandy is Sephy’s girlfriend for all eternity where as Ukyo is his fiancée for all eternity (there are some rumors that he already has a wife, bad Sephiroth, bad...)
These notes were brought to you by Cyber Kitty =^o^=
Sephiroth, clothed in his famous black trench coat, black pants, and shirt, and with his lethal samurai blade, the Masamune, walked up to a podium and looked at the audience.
“This is the most motley crew I’ve ever seen...” The crowd looked at Sephiroth. He said it over the microphone.
“Damn it!!! Heh, heh... I didn’t mean it...” Sweat drops formed on everyone. “Nighteyes!!! Where are you?!” Sephy called out to his techie friend.
He spotted Nighteyes speaking with a couple of fellow wolves, the wolves from Princess Mononoke.
“What?!”
“Is everything set up and ready to go?” Sephy asked as he ran down and over to his wolf friend.
“Ja.”
“Thanks!!!” Sephy took out a doggy bone and put it in front of Nighteyes. The wolf looked annoyed and then attacked, going straight for the jugular.
“HELP!!!” At that moment, two ASPCA agents jumped and tackled Sephy.
“Leave that wolf alone!!!”
“B-but...”
“Sephy-sama, we have to start...” Gatomon said as s/he walked up to him.
“Yeah, time’s a wasting...” Cyber Kitty said as he walked towards the growing crowd. He happened to be wearing a black collar that went with
the black crescent moon insignia on his forehead and looked stunning along with his red fur.
“Sooooo much better than Gatomon’s diamond collar...”
“My what?” Gatomon said as s/he grabbed her collar.
“I suppose that you’re going to attack these poor kitties too,” one of the ASPCA agents asked.
“Welcome to the Animé Awards Night 2000!!! We’ve got a great night lined up for all of you, so let’s get going!!! Okay, the first award of the night is the Best Series Award.
The two series that actually got voted on were Slayers,” Sephiroth said as a picture of Lina Inverse biting a cow appeared on the screen behind him. “...and Ranma 1/2,” he said as a picture of Ranma and Genma biting a cow appeared behind him.
“Who did this?! ...Purin... Purin!!!”
“Hai, Sephy-sama?” the jigglypuff in the lab coat asked.
“What’s up with the cows?” Sephy asked as he glared at his underling. Purin started laughing. A large sweat drop slid down Sephiroth’s face. “Any rate... and the winner is...”
A drum roll started up as Belldandy in a soft pink kimono with a white obi handed Sephiroth the envelope. “...Slayers!!! Accepting the award is Amelia,” he said as he handed the golden statue of a cow to Amelia (who just happens to be in a cow costume, an infamous picture).
“Purin... you’re in a lot of trouble...”
“Yeah!!! I accept (moo) this for the Allies of Justice, the ones who’ll never fail and always (moo) triumph over evil and...”
“Whatever. Fireball,” Sephiroth mumbled as he shot a fireball at Amelia, shooting her out through the ceiling.
“...blasting off again!!!” she screamed.
“Slayers is a medieval story involving magic, dragons, food, and romance. It’s basically Dungeons and Dragons gone silly. I’d give it four stars. If you ever read the Dragonlance series, all the sorcerer/sorceresses are either like Fizban
(aka Paladin, aka Bahumat) and Raistlin (aka da man).”
“Next award is the Best Movie Award. Up for the award are Perfect Blue,” a picture of one of the female leads showed up on the screen. “What?! Um... next is Princess Mononoke,” a picture of the ex-brothel girls showed up.
“...and last is Ranma 1/2 the Movie 2: Nihao My Concubine,” a picture of Ranma girl-type with her (censored =^o^=) exposed showed up. “Damn you, Purin!!! What the f--- is up with that!?”
“B-but Gatomon did this one...” Purin pleaded.
“Ecchi-chan!!!” Melancholy and Ami-chan called out.
“Whoops! Run away!!!” Gatomon back flipped out of his seat and ran for the exit with a band of knights.
“And now for something completely different.” Belldandy handed the envelope to Sephiroth. “The winner is... Ranma 1/2 the Movie 2: Nihao My Concubine. Accepting the award is Ukyo Kounji.”
Ukyo walked up to Sephiroth dressed exactly like Sailor Moon. She grabbed the bra shaped award. “Thank you, I’d like to thank my parents, my God, my ancestors, and...”
“Teleportation!!!” Sephy chanted as Ukyo disappeared. “That was... too weird, even for me...” Sephy said as he put on some pink nail polish.
Sephiroth (Dressed up in a red tuxedo) walked up to the podium. Picking up the envelope, he said, “Male actors are a key part to every Animé. Up for Male Lead 2000 is… Ranma Saotome,” a picture of Ranma girl-type appears,
“…Hiro from Venus Wars,” a picture of a hero sandwich appears, “…and Captain Tyler,” a picture of the captain actually appears!!! “…And the winner is… Ranma Saotome!!!”
Ranma, breaking out of a death squeeze by Shampoo, jumped up onto the stage and accepted the Mars-symbol trophy. “I know you people don’t wanna hear me drone on and on so I’ll make it short. I really don’t think I deserve this award.
I mean, there are SO many other guys who have done better than me. But then again, there are others who have done a hell of a lot worse! I guess I can thank Ryoga and Mousse for making me look good, Akane for her… uh… encouragement,
Shampoo and Ukyo for always keeping me full, Pop for all of the insane training he’s put me through, and all the people who decided to give me this award.”
“Hold on,” Sephiroth grabbed Ranma. “You also got the Best Female Lead award.” Sephiroth picked up a bucket of water and splashed Ranma with it.
Ranma picked up the Venus-symbol trophy. “Ok, you really don’t wanna hear me repeat all the stuff I jus’ said, do ya? So I’ll just skip to the ‘thank yous.’ Thanks Akane for telling me when I ‘changed,’
Thanks Kuno for driving me completely INSANE, thanks… wait… this is getting boring, ain’t it? Hmmm… I guess that’s all I have ta say! So sorry! Bye!” He shoots the victory sign and jumps out of a window and is pursued by Shampoo, Akane, Kuno, Ryoga, and Mousse.
Gatomon jumped down from the opening in the ceiling and picked up a golden trophy that resembled a pair of panties. “Ha! This’s the Most Hentai Award for the most perverted lecher in all of Animé! And the nominees are...
Mr. Carrot from Sorcerer Hunters,” a picture of a carrot appeared. “...Happosai from Ranma 1/2,” a picture of the dirty ol’ man with a bra on his head appeared. “...and, of course, Gatomon Kisaragi!!!” A picture of him/herself appeared.
“NO!!! I refuse to go out like this,” Belldandy said from behind a screen.
“Belldandy, you agreed to this so you can’t back out of it!!!” Sephy scolded her. A second later, he pushed Belldandy out. She was wearing a pink playboy bunny suit. Her face turned a bright scarlet.
“Wow!!! Swwwwweeeeeeeettttt!!!” Gatomon exclaimed as s/he developed heart eyes. “Show me service with a smile!!!” Gatomon leaped at Belldandy as she spun kicked and sent him/her flying into the back wall.
“Burn you lecher!!!” Belldandy walked up to the podium. “First of all, I would like to say that the principle behind this award is disgusting and that it should be removed from the Awards Night.
Also, I don’t remember ever promising Sephiroth nor Gatomon that I would dress like this.”
“Belldandy, just announce the award,” Sephy said.
“There have been no other Goddesses that have had to do this,” Belldandy muttered as she noticed her sister Urd at a table near the front, and also noticed that she was wearing a yellow bunny suit.
Blinking a few times and becoming red in the face from anger, she opened the envelope. “And the winner is... oh, Almighty... Happosai from Ranma 1/2!!!”
Happosai walked up and took the award. “Thank you, thank you... I’d like to thank many of you, especially my apprentice Gatomon for arranging this night and getting me accommodations at a sorority house.
Thank you, Gatomon. See ya!” he said as he used a smoke bomb to disappear.
“What? No hentai highjinks?!” Sephiroth was puzzled.
“Huh? Where did it go?” a random girl asked.
“Mine’s missing, too,” another girl exclaimed. Apparently, several bras had disappeared.
Sephiroth pulled out a statue that looked like a musical note. “The nominations for the Best Song Award are... Lain Opening, Slayers Opening, and Adesso e Fortuna from Record of Lodoss War,” he said as pictures from the songs appeared.
“And the winner is... Adesso e Fortuna!!!” The beautiful, beautiful love song started playing as a high elf accepted the award. “Accepting the award is Deedlit.”
“Thank you, I’m sure that Parn and all the rest would be here, but they’re filming the new Record of Lodoss War television show. I’d like to thank everyone, especially the Dragon Earth Goddess Martha.”
“BAH!!! Everyone’s always talking about the Earth Goddess Martha Stewart, but what about me?” Belldandy asked.
“Or Jenova,” Sephy muttered.
“Or Amida Buddha,” a random monk muttered.
“Or MewTwo, god of all POKéMON!!!” MewTwo made a clefairy say.
“She’s a witch!!! BURN HER!!!” a villager yelled. An angry swarm of villagers swarmed and carried off Deedlit.
“At any rate, the OAV series and television series are in many ways watching a game of Dungeons and Dragons,” Sephy noted.
“Special attacks are always important in animé, and unfortunately, only two of them got voted on,” Sephy sighed. “And the nominees for Best Special Attack are... Chestnuts-roasting-over-an-open-fire punch,”
as a perfect picture of Ranma performing the technique appeared. “...and Dragon Slave,” as a picture of Lina Inverse performing the technique appeared.
“Ha!!! I should’ve done the pictures long before now!!!” Belldandy (in her pink kimono) handed the envelope to Sephy. “The winner is, Dragon Slave, as performed by Lina Inverse.”
“Thank you, I’d like to thank all those demons, dragons, and sorcerers that I toasted in order to get this award. The chant is: Power beyond the twilight and Crimson blood that flows, buried in the stream of time is where your power grows.
I pledge myself to conquer all the foes who stand, against the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hand....DRAGON SLAVE!!!!.”
(Thanks for the words Fuji) A large nova blast vibrated throughout the theater as it disintegrated. A tactful team of Sephiroth’s Moomba (those delightful lion creatures from FFVIII) rebuilt the theater in a matter of seconds. Hurrah Moomba Techies!!!
“Grr, mmmmmmmooooooommmmmmbbbbaaa, gr, grrrr, grr...” the moomba said, meaning the winner of the Monster of the Year Award is... “gr...” The monsters from Slayers! Every single monster walked up to accept the award.
The amphibious demon Joyrock, Michigan J, spoke for the mob.
“Thank you, and...”
“VULPIX!!!” A mysterious vulpix wearing a black cape ran up to the monsters. “Vul, vulpix, vul!!!”
“She is saying that she can whoop up on any of these pathetic creatures and that she should get the award,” Purin translated for the fox pokémon.
“Yeah, let’s see you try,” Joyrock challenged as he and several of his comrades prepared their swords, axes, claws, and/or teeth.
“Vul,” she said as she spat. A mysterious yellow aura surrounded the fox. “VULPIX!!!” She let out the Fire Blast technique, toasting several of the dragons. “Vulpix...”
“She says ‘who’s next?’” Purin took out a pokédex and started to examine the Vulpix. “Hmmm...”
A dangerous glint sparkled in Vulpix’s eye as it started to chant, “Vul vul vulpix, vul vulpix, vul, pix pix vul, vulpix vulpix vul...”
“I’m guessing that’d be her ‘Dragon Slave’ technique,” Purin commented as he stared at his pokédex.
“Dr-dr-dragon Slave?! That is NOT a pokémon attack!!!” Sephiroth yelled as he started to run.
“Grr...” the moomba commented meaning: ‘Oh no, not again...’ It is widely believed that we would know more about the inner workings of the universe. Unfortunately, the moomba was vaporized before anyone could interrogate him further.
“VULPIX VUL!!!” A large concentrated nova blast hit the stage, vaporizing all the monsters, ruining the paint job, and leaving the claw shaped trophy in mint condition. She laughed as she ran up, picked up the trophy in her teeth, and exited stage right.
“Techie!!! We need a techie to paint the stage!!!” Sephiroth yelled.
Purin jumped up on the stage with a golden kitty trophy under his weird little flappy thing that is supposed to be his arm. “The nominees for the Kawaii Award are: P-chan from Ranma 1/2 and Mog from
Final Fantasy III, Chocobo Dungeon I & II, and Chocobo Racing,” he said as pictures appeared on the LCD projection screen. Cyber Kitty handed the envelope to Purin. “And the winner is... Mog from all those yummy games!!!”
“Kupo! Thanks and I’m number one, unlike that Choc-”
“Wait!!! There’s been a mistake,” Sephy yelled as he ran up to the podium holding the REAL envelope. “Chocobo wins!!!”
“Kupo!!! NOOOO!!! I WON’T BE SECOND HAT TO THAT CHOCOBO!!!”
“Kweee!!!” Chocobo grabbed the award and shot out the back of the theater on his rocket skates. “Kweee!!!”
“Sephiroth-sama, don’t Chocobos go ‘wark?’” Purin asked.
“I guess we’ll never know...”
“Kupo... I’ll kill him one of these days...”
Will Mog defeat Chocobo? Where did those Moomba techies come from? Will the stage ever be painted? All this and more on the next episode of Digi- whoops, I mean the next section of the Awards Night.
Kicking a moomba techie (who was painting the stage) off the stage, “Who needs techies? BWA HA HA!!!” Belldandy announced the next award.
“Cyber Kitty, who slipped Belldandy the evil pills this morning?”
“I don’t know Gatomon, I don’t know...” The kitty duo burst out laughing.
“The winner of the Battle Square Superstar, a rugged vote between Sephiroth from Final Fantasy and Shabranigdo from Slayers, the winner is... Sephiroth!!! As agreed, Sephiroth will fight ten randomly chosen monsters!!!”
“Oh, er... thank you,” Sephy said as a sweat drop rolled down his head. “I guess Gatomon’ll have to write the fanfic...”
“You’re going to face me for that award. Until me meet again,” Shabranigdo said as the Demon King vanished in smoke.
“You can’t make this easy, can you?” Sephy sighed.
“Let’s make it quick, I’m giving these awards out super quick!!!” a very tired Sephiroth said. “First of all, Best Animé All Around Award, between Slayers and Ranma 1/2, is Ranma 1/2!!!” He chucks the Gatomon (?) shaped award at Ranma’s head.
“Next, Coolest Staff Member goes to... me,” he says as he puts the banana shaped award inside his trench coat while smiling. “And lastly, the Coolest Writer Award, the award that goes to our best subscriber who submits stuff, only Fujikuro/Ashitaka, Lum/Erika Lt./Ifurita,
and Ami-chan were eligible for this award, and the winner is... Ami-chan!!!”
Ami-chan, dressed in a blue kimono, walks up, hugs and kisses Sephiroth, takes the trophy and addresses the crowd. “First, I would like to say... I DESERVE THIS AWARD MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS CATEGORY! Now that I have that out of my system,
I will bore you with all the normal c*** everyone else is gonna say (THANK YOU SO MUCH! and I WANT TO THANK GOD, AND MY PARENTS, ect.) So, here we go... I would like to thank the everyday acquaintances that run in and out of my life. First, the ants that climb up the trash can at
lunch, the horrible people I have to put up with in the Quad, that tree David always sits under,
the Mackinaw fence, the Ice Cream Truck Man, the Fruitiki ice cream (it’s yummy), my friend MeLaNcHoLy’s Sprite, Robert’s obsession with pokémon, the cute noises Justin makes, the freaks I encounter in all sorts of places, the force that keeps you from walking down the escalators
that are going up, dirt, name calling (most popular: Sailor Moon), I thank the diddle on Mel’s CD case, my desk, my kitty, the cute little disco beat on #9 on Video Drone, the can of air that cleans my computer, my computer desk, my computer, my room, my window, my bed (so comfy!),
the annoying song my alarm clock plays, Major Players for having such an expensive late fee on
their animé movies, my father for playing strange carousel music, MeL’s beanie, my future top hat, my crescent moon shoelaces, my puma shorts, my a.d.i.d.a.s. shorts, my friend Angela’s evil kitty Isis, Batman & Robin (‘cuz they have the balls to wear thongs out in public),
the guy who sings in Static X because he has the coolest hair even though it reminds me of the DBZ wannabe in the Adventures of Kotetsu, Daria for making people think that I’m like her because I didn’t want to talk to them, colored pencils, the guy that taught us STDs (now STIs)
and the lovely pictures he showed, the Noits, the porcupine, and all the lovely people who voted for me,
of course (all of you that didn’t... Hahahaha! I won! I’m better than YOU! HAHAHA!)”
After her speech, Ami-chan turned to Sephy and noticed him asleep against a wall with his Masamune tucked in his arms. She turned around again to notice that the rest of the crowd had been dragged away for abusing moombas, leaving only a few pokémon,
Cyber Kitty, Nighteyes, Mr. Saotoby and Mr. Saotome (both in Panda form), and those cats from Sailor Moon. A second later, the cats from Sailor Moon were dragged off.
“We knew what you were thinking about those poor techies...”
Acknowledgments
Every tech crew that goes through hell to put on a show, we love you guys, and couldn’t live without you.
That guy who worked for Disney and then fathered animé, Dr. Tasuka.
That clown I met last week.
Mistys world wide.
The legions of techies that died during this filming.
Lack of sleep.
You guys for putting up with our complete nonsense.
Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, POKéMON, Dragonball Z, Digimon, Slayers, and all that good animé that we love.
Producer: Sephiroth Jenova
Director: Gatomon Kisaragi
Co-director: Purin Oak
Dancing Llama: Ralph the Wonder Llama
Costumes: Belldandy Luminous
Catering: Ukyo Kounji
Llama Trainer: Fuji
ASPCA Overlord: Evil P-chan (loser of the 2000 Kawaii Award)
Moomba Tamer: Some guy named Laguna or Lugia or something
Head Techie: Moomba Pete
Pictures care of http://www.anipike.com - The Animé Web Turnpike
Special thanks to Nighteyes for Techie Assistance
©2000 by the Animé Underground Organization: Soldiers of Fortune™ (Gatomon Kisaragi)
©2000 by The Animé News Letter (Sephiroth Jenova)
