Season 2, Issue 18
Animé News Letter
Season 2, Issue 18
Editor/Reviews/Battle Square: Sephiroth/Seanma
Tea Wench/Rumiko Takahashi Correspondent/Tripod Webmistress: Shampoo/Asuka
Lowly Reporter/Asst. Editor: Purin/Bryoga/Eevee/Jiggleevee/Kyusaku
Article Writer/Asst. Editor: HentaiGatomon
Engineer/Limited Goddess, 2nd class/Cocoa Wench: Skuld
Secret Police/Walking Data Base: Cyber Kitty/=^o^=
Geocities Webmaster/Bounty Hunter: Fujikuro/Zell Dinct
Sent to: Erika Lt./Lum/Ifurita, Jake, Mr. Saotoby, Happodan/Dr. Tofu, "The ex-Secretary", Ami-chan, Melancholy, Ranma, Aly/Mimi/Raisin, Kaitou Ace, Tasuki, Lucifer Morningstar, Neo “Genesis”, Am0s M0ses, Makato/Oddichu/Akiko, Lain The Typhoon, Mikon/Moko-ohki/evil cold cabbit, Ferio, Hojo, Ice Dragon #74/“Icy”, Vegeta’s in Maine, Jadeite, Deedlit, Little~Sasami, Locke/White Tiger, Xellos, Sailor Kaoss, Ewok/Fabulous Techie #3/Yoda, Chibi Chibi Usa, and Neptunelover
Subscribers in: Maine 12, California 2, Texas 4, Georgia 2, Colorado 1, NY 1, Florida 1, Missouri 2, Virginia 1, Illinois 1, Maryland 1, Washington 1, and Idaho 1
If you know anyone who wants this, contact us at sephy_asuka@yahoo.com
Opening: At the Tendo Dojo
*weird Spanish conquistador music is playing*
Asuka: What?! Sephiroth’s disappeared?!
Skuld: *blinks* Yeah... don’t you remember all those mysterious food thefts?
Asuka: What food thefts?! What are you talking about?!
Gatomon: *walks up and notices Asuka* Oh... damn. *hides in a vase*
Asuka: *eye twitches and grabs the vase* I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME IN MY SLEEP!!! *smashes the vase with Gatomon inside*
Gatomon: Can’t we talk about this?!
Asuka: NO!!! *star pings Gatomon*
Skuld: Purin’s gone too, but no one cares about that jigglypuff...
Purin: *a large screen with Purin on it turns on* Jiggly-puff-puff! I heard that!!! *pleasing bip and the screen shuts down*
Skuld: Anyways... So now Sephiroth’s gone and no one knows where he is...
Asuka: *still fuming* I’ll get that pervert! *rushes off*
Skuld: *picks up the souvenirs that Asuka left* Thank you for the souvenirs...
Ryoga: WHAT?! MR. HOJO HAD AN AFFAIR?!
Hojo: *with rivers of tears flowing from his eyes* Skuld... don’t spread rumors about your father... See you, Ryoga... *wanders off*
OAV Review: Maze- Mega Burst Space
Written by Gatomon
Gatomon: ***** (and a few more...) Sephy: ****
If you took Slayers, mixed in some Ranma 1/2, and a dash of perverted fun, you’d get this. Maze is your typical girl who’s fallen into a parallel world and who gains the great ability to turn into a mecha, but there’s one downfall. Every time the sun sets, Maze turns from a she to a he. Now, this Man Maze and I are on the same level... beat up the bad guys, find some cute girls, and sleep with them. Despite the implications, this is somehow a PG-13 flick. How the Hell they pulled THAT one off, I’ll never know. Maybe it’s because they censored the word f--- with “machine gun sounds”. There was nothing better than watching the subbed version of this and reading “machine gun sounds” before actually hearing them. This led us to say, “What the ‘machine gun sounds’?” Maze is teamed up with Princess Mill of the Bartonian Empire (who’s infatuated with Maze, and says “ukyu” whenever something weird happens), a demi-hunter (some dominatrix ninja, also infatuated with Maze), Rapier (who wears the armor of the Bristol Empire, and is also infatuated with Maze), some big guy with a sword who just happens to be infatuated with Maze, and the most well read Grandpa Woll (whom we don’t know if he’s infatuated with Maze). They’re all on the run from the Jaina Holy Group who want to kill Maze, and have cool mecha, too. Then they go to the Tower of Babylon (which sounds familiar to Maze), and get caught in a trap set by one the Jaina Holy Group (a man named Gorgeous who reminds us of both Sephiroth and James from Team Rocket). This is just an awesome comedy that you have to see. The perverted high jinks alone are worth seeing.
Movie Review: Project A-Ko
Written by Skuld
Skuld: *** Cyber Kitty: ****
Project A-Ko is a hilarious romantic comedy centered around three girls called A-Ko, B-Ko, and C-Ko. A-Ko is the daughter of Superman and some woman, B-Ko is the daughter of some billionaire heavy arms corporation owner, and C-Ko is an alien princess (which explains a lot). Every day before school, B-Ko makes A-Ko late by trying to defeat her with increasingly bigger mecha and powered armor in hopes to win the heart of C-Ko. Why anyone would want C-Ko is beyond us... she’s annoying, loud, a bad (like, worse than Akane) cook, and you could fit several pineapples into her mouth. To make matters worse, the aliens come back for C-Ko (unfortunately, they don’t take her back)! If you want a hilarious comedy with mecha mayhem, Project A-Ko is the solution to your problems.
BATTLE SQUARE NEO
Cyber Kitty: *watches a beautiful sunset* For our next bout, Ranma (from Ranma 1/2) and Maze will duke it out! Today’s the day of reckoning for these two martial artists!
Maze: *currently a girl* Wait! I’m not a martial artist!
Ranma: I can’t fight a girl as a guy... *splashes himself with cold water, turning himself into a girl*
Gatomon: Oh... this is getting interesting... Hee, hee, hee...
Asuka: THERE YOU ARE, YOU CAT FREAK!!! *attacks him with a boribon*
Gatomon: *is being beaten and laughs* Oh... I find this sooooo enjoyable!!!
Asuka: *screams and star pings him*
Maze: *sweat drop* Uh... heh, heh... can’t we talk about this?
Ranma: No. *sun sets*
Cyber Kitty: Oh... the sun has set... *starts glowing*
Maze: *turns into Man Maze* Ha ha ha! *looks at Ranma girl-type* Let’s not fight, but sleep together!
Mill: NO!!! Maze is mine!!!
Asuka: What’s going on..?
Mill: Ukyu!
Cyber Kitty: *stops glowing for sec... then starts glowing again*
Asuka: Why’s Cyber Kitty glowing?
Zell: *puts on a lab coat* Allow me to explain... since that damn jigglypuff isn’t here, I’ll have to fill in... Cyber Kitty is glowing ‘cuz he went swimming in that glow-in-the-dark stuff again.
CK: Damn straight!
Maze: *trying to tackle Ranma* Come back here, you salty vixen!
Ranma: Hey! I’m not that kind of girl! *avoids Maze*
Happosai: Now you’ll leave my sweet Ranma alone!
Maze: Who’re you?
Happosai: I’m Happosai of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave my Ranma alone! Take this! *charges at Maze*
Genma: Wow! Look at the old man go! I’ve never seen him so energized!
Hojo: *tilts back a beer* You can say that again, Saotome.
Genma: Wow! Look at the old man go! I’ve never seen him so energized!
Hojo: *tilts back a beer* You can say that again, Saotome.
Genma: Wow! Look at the old man go! I’ve never seen him so energized!
Happosai: Take this! *smacks his pipe into Maze*
*an excerpt from One Winged Angel plays*
???: Am I missing anything? *a mysterious figure in a black trench coat with a white mask on and holding a purple rose descends to the arena*
Maze: And who do you think you are?
Asuka: *takes in the features of the very handsome mysterious figure and blushes* Skuld, who is that?
Skuld: *eats some popcorn* I don’t know.
??? #2: Alas, you won’t win this one, my close rival... *a cat in a tuxedo and white mask descends to the arena*
Skuld and a legion of snow monkeys: *gasps* The return of Tuxedo Cat!
Cyber Kitty: Gatomon!!! YOU BASTARD!!! What the Hell do you think you’re doing, you “machine gun sounds” freak!!!
Zell: Woah... I thought he was the censor...
Tuxedo Cat: *grabs Ranma girl-type and disappears*
???: Time for me to be going... SMOKE BOMB! *poof*
...an excerpt from the ANL constitution...
7. Roles of the Editor
i. The Editor hires/fires staff unless overruled with a 4/5 vote.
ii. The Editor has the power to edit/destroy anything that is sent to the ANL.
iii. In case of war, the Editor (hence forth to be called Emperor) has control of all military personnel of the ANL
iii.a. In case of war, the first priority is to create a new Argentina where the voice of the people cannot be, and will not be denied!
iii.b. At no time will the Emperor send small kitties out to kill for him/her, unless they are Mexican Deadly Staring Tree Kitties from Southern Sri Lanka.
iii.b.i. The MDSTKSSL will never be put into life threatening situations.
iii.b.ii. The MDSTKSSL are not allowed to embezzle funds for candy.
iii.c. In case of a rabid flying monkey attack, the procedure is to release the BANANA GOD OF DOOM!!! to wipe them out.
iii.d. The navy can only attack water-locked and/or coastal positions.
iii.e. The air force can only attack by air.
iii.e.i. The air force shall now be called the Imperial Air Force (IAF).
iii.e.ii. The IAF shall consist of 1/3 of all non-essential personnel.
iii.f. In no case will the Emperor crush Japan, but rather form a strategic alliance with them.
iii.g. We’ve got explosives!!! KABOOM!!! All goblins will be sent on suicide missions daily.
iii.h. The second priority is to conquer France, thus winning the Editor (and any possible wife[s]/fiancée[s]) lots of yummy croissants.
iii.h.i. After which, we blow up Quebec since they think it is France, but they are wrong. This sends us to war against all of the nonexistent military forces of Canada, thus winning us natural resources.
iv. The Editor is a sovereign power and has the ability to smite all those who oppose him/her.
Closing: At Sephiroth’s Tokyo apartment...
Ami-chan: *standing in the living room looking distracted*
Cyber Kitty, Gatomon, Sentret, and Kamui the cabbit: Where did he go?!
Ami-chan: ...he said that he was going off to conquer France... *the four furry animals run off*
Asuka: *storms in* WHERE DID THAT PERVERT GO?!
Ami-chan: Asuka, who are you looking for, Sephiroth?
Asuka: *grits teeth* No, I’m looking for Gatomon...
Ami-chan: He went off to chase after Sephy-chan... He’s headed for France. *Asuka runs off*
*fades out to Seafoam Labs*
Purin: The first part of the three-part ANL epic of love will be coming out this week. Stay tuned for details!
Clefairy: ...and we’ll do our best to defeat the dreaded Tuff-father!
Endorsements:
https://anlcrew13.tripod.com/main.html
ANL Home Page
http://kawaiianimegirl.tripod.com/smeared.html
Ami-chan’s really cool page
http://www.anipike.com
The Animé Turnpike, The #1 source on every Animé
http://www.rightstuf.com
Right Stuf On-line Store
http://www.tuxedomask.com
A really cool Sailor Moon site
http://www.geocities.com/animenewspage
Zell’s webpage
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