Season 2, Issue 10
Animé News Letter
Season 2, Issue 10
Editor/Reviews/Battle Square: Sephiroth/Seanma
Tea Wench/Rumiko Takahashi Correspondent: Shampoo
Lowly Reporter/Asst. Editor: Purin/Bryoga/Eevee/Jiggleevee
Article Writer/Asst. Editor: Gatomon
Engineer/Limited Goddess, 2nd class/Cocoa Wench: Skuld
Secret Police: Cyber Kitty/=^o^=
Webmaster/Bounty Hunter: Fuji/Zell
Sent to: Erika Lt./Lum/Ifurita, Jake, Mr. Saotoby, Happodan/Dr. Tofu, "The Secretary", Ami-chan, Melancholy, Ranma, Nighteyes, Aly/Mimi/Raisin, Kaitou Ace, Tasuki, Lucifer Morningstar, Neo, Am0s M0ses, Makato/Oddichu, Lain The Typhoon, Mikon/Moko-ohki, Ferio, Hojo, Ice Dragon #74, Vegeta’s in Maine, Jadeite, Deedlit, Storm Rose Kitchana, and Little~Sasami
Subscribers in: Maine 10, California 2, Texas 4, Georgia 2, Colorado 1, NY 1, Florida 1, Missouri 1, Virginia 1, Illinois 1, Michigan 1, Maryland 1
If you know anyone who wants this, contact us at sephiroth_gatomon@yahoo.com
Warning: In the spirit of all that is animé, some of these scenes may be seen as lewd and/or violent. We also have a pervert on staff to fill in as an animé archetype. Viewer discretion is advised.
Dear reader,
Welcome to Issue #10, a celebration issue!!! First off, as you may have noticed, Ukyo has been fired (under numerous complaints over the okonomiyaki) and has been replaced with Shampoo, some Amazon who has gotten our poor editor Seanma confused with Ranma. On the plus side, she serves tea, and not coffee! However, since Zell and Purin complained (mostly because they’re freaks of animé nature), Skuld is now a cocoa wench, serving your needs for the past ten minutes! We have four new subscribers, Jadeite (yeah, go and steal our energy *rolls eyes*), Deedlit (that elf that hates me), Storm Rose Kitchana (um... yeah...), and Little~Sasami (I’m glad no one confuses me with Tenchi). Also, we have included a brief article that overviews ANL policy (such as receiving reviews, etc.). This is also a huge mega-issue with explosions, star pings, and reviews galore!
Sincerely yours,
Sephiroth
Movie Review: Poltergeist Report (YuYu Hakusho)
Written by Sephiroth (***)
A rogue underground reporter named Poltergeist gets a lead on this mysterious organization called “YuYu Hakusho.” This girl (who happens to be a sister Amelia from Slayers) named Botan shows up and has some weird orb of power that will defeat the evil Cabbit King. The whole story degenerates into a cabbit-slasher flick.
Okay, I apologize for the previous paragraph having nothing to do with the actual movie. The movie is about the Spirit World being attacked by the remnants of the Netherworld, a destroyed metaphysical plane of existence. Yakule (King of the Netherworld), along with his three demon-gods, are out to transform the Spirit World into their new kingdom. Fortunately, Botan (the goddess of death, with the same voice actor as Amelia) stole the Power Sphere (the source of all the Netherworld’s power) and escaped, and got to Yusuke, one of the five guardians of the Spirit World. With Botan safely guarded in an easily entered temple guarded by an easily defeated priestess, Yakule’s in for the fight of his life!
IN THE STREETS...
Raichu: .o0{I recently taped this fight while on a reconnaissance mission for Purin}
Cyber Kitty: *is on his way to work (very late) and walking quickly down the street from his home in suburban Tokyo* Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late...
??? Kitty: *a small kitty with a weird zigzag on his tail confronts CK*
CK: Who’re you? I have no time to talk, I’m late, I have to go!!!
???: Meow. *blocks CK’s path*
CK: Fine, you deserve this one... Cyber Beam!!! *shoots a green laser at the kitty*
???: *dodges and scratches CK* Meow.
CK: What’s this? CYBER KITTY ANALYSIS ACTIVATED: species- cat, name- Cyber, attack- basic cat fighting skills and genocide. Whatever... Edit-to-heck-and-back!!! *does a flip kick and then reverses it to send Cyber flying back a few feet*
Raichu: Rai... *(while hiding) puts down his binoculars, takes a camcorder and starts recording*
Cyber: Ffffttt!!! *claws CK*
CK: Forget it... Black Moon Censor Attack- Nightmare Cannon!!! *hurls a black glowing orb of energy at Cyber that engulfs him and then hurls her into a wall*
Cyber: *charges all of her energy in order to blast CK*
CK: My guess would be that this is the genocide attack... *looks at the sky* ...I’ve been wanting to test out that new quote for star pinging...
*To be continued...*
Raichu: .o0{more of this taped will be released in the next issue!!!}
BATTLE SQUARE NEO
Sephiroth: *drinking some green tea* Ah... now that’s service with a smile...
Shampoo: Hiya... Seanma like Shampoo tea?
Sephy: *blink, blink* WHAT?! YOU PUT... SHAM... POO IN MY TEA?! *looking horrified at his tea* Well, um... we have, a, er... great battle for you today... Um... *putting down his tea* Vegeta vs. the Digimon Emperor (also known as Ken... also known as Zack, one of the workers at a local comic shop), the Battle of the Inflated Egos! In order to balance the fight, we have forbidden any digimon intervention and given Ken a katana.
Ken: Don’t call me that!!! MY NAME IS THE DIGIMON EMPEROR!!!
Sephy: Yeah, whatever... He also can use Mystical Illusion Chaos Strike (Prince Toma’s attack from Ranma 1/2 the movie 2: Nihao My Concubine), Renzokuken (Squall’s limit break from FFVIII), and we also put him under hypnotism to see if anything fun’ll happen... *starts laughing uncontrollably*
Vegeta: Enough already!!! Allow me to just beat this lousy scum out of existence!!!
Ken: Who are you calling scum, you monkey?!
Skuld: Hey, Vegeta!!! How’s that pink shirt? *giggles*
Vegeta: WHAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE GIRL?!
Purin: Well, at least she’s not having a child with Bulma, bouncy, bouncy!!!
Vegeta: WHAT DID YOU SAY... odd... off-white... thing?!
Purin: I said... she has a child in a coma, Wouncy Wouncy.
Vegeta: ...oh.
Ken: I’m finishing this!!! *charges at Vegeta and is knocked away* You’ll not escape my next attack... RENZOKUKEN!!! *slices at Vegeta with explosions blasting forth after every hit*
Sephiroth: Squall’s limit break Renzokuken utilizes his gun-blade in an attack similar to Cloud’s (FFVII) Omnislash ability.
Skuld: That doesn’t make any sense!!! Squall uses a gun-blade, that’s a normal katana!!!
Sephiroth: *sweat drop* W-well... it... I mean...
Vegeta: I am weak now... Fortunately, I brought some watermelon to replenish my strength...
Zell: GO SQUALL!!..err...I mean, Ken, er..Digimon Emperor... er... Zack *confused* wait! Didn’t I see Renzokuken?!!!
Sephy: *starts laughing uncontrollably at both of them*
Ken: What’s that you say..? *sees the watermelon, goes into a trance and slashes the watermelon in half while rendering Vegeta unconscious*
Sephy: ...and the winner is... Ken/Zack/Digimon Emperor!!!
Ken: ..and soon I will rule the digital world!!! *one of his black control spires rises quickly out of the ground*
Sephy: ... That will so not be there for long... You’ll pay for this... I’ll get you and your little Wormon too!!!
Zell: *still looking for Squall* Squall, ol’ buddy! where arrrrre youuuu?
ANL Policy (this is only because we’ve had troubles...)
Due to recent complaints, I, Sephiroth Jenova, and White Tiger (also known as Locke from Final Fantasy III/VI) have constructed an ANL constitution. Before we get to one amendment in particular, we would like to comment on the release schedule. One person, whom happens to live out in California, said that we shouldn’t release it ‘whenever the hell we felt like it.’ Four of us (and Locke) are seniors in high school. The rest of us are freshmen in high school. We attend Mt. Desert High School, and if you really want to argue over this, I practically live there. We are very, very busy and cannot release an issue every week, we try for 1.5 weeks, but it sometimes doesn’t happen. We’d like to add Amendment 2 to this newsletter, and if you want a full copy (when it’s finished), e-mail us and we’ll send you a copy.
Article 2. (REVIEWS) We will accept most submitted reviews.
i. If it is hentai (pornographic in nature), we have the right to deny it and/or edit it.
ii. All future reviews with ANY reference to DVDs will automatically be deleted (as of 10/7/00). Not enough people own DVDs and reference to them is obscene in our opinion.
iii. The Editor and Censor will abridge and edit accepted reviews.
iv. The word of Editor is final unless overruled by a 5/6 vote of staff.
v. Anyone who submits a stupid review (i.e.: REALLY bad grammar, or it’s something that violates Art 2 sec ii) will be smote.
Sephiroth’s Quick & Easy Americanized Okonomiyaki
(aka: Demons’ Pizza) (Method gains you one “pancake”)
Sephy: I’m back as Chaos Chef, zee best Cajun chef in town, eh cher? I guarantee you’ll love dis recipe...
Ingredients:
Flour tortilla shells (one)
Pepperoni
Pizza Cheese
Spices (optional)
Microwavable Plate
Microwave
Fork and knife (suggested)
Method:
1. put flour tortilla shell on the microwavable plate
2. add pizza cheese
3. add spices (if any)
4. add pepperoni
5. insert into microwave
6. nuke (not with bombs) for about 1:30 minuets (or 90 seconds).
7. remove
8. eat
Sephy: You may wonder why we call it ‘Demons’ Pizza’… it’s a special okonomiyaki that we lay hot spices on when we make it.
Closing: At ANL Secret Headquarters...
Sephy: Wow... this was big...
Gatomon: Having been around since Issue One, I think we should ratify a bill to legalize bra theft.
Shampoo and Skuld: You pervert!!! *they smash Gatomon into the wall*
Cyber Kitty: I remember now!!! This small male kitty named Cyber attacked me on my way to wor-
Sephy: *smacks CK* Stop that!!! We’re holding the rest of the tape for a dramatic effect!!!
Zell: *is still looking for Squall* Hey... anyone seen Squall?
Sephy: Oh... that reminds me... *pulls out a detonator* Right, here goes... *pushes button, huge explosion happens (which illuminates ANL HQ in a healthy red glow), and the black spire falls... on Ken’s head* And that, my dear friends is an example of what happens to anyone, and I mean ANYONE who f---s with MY BATTLE SQUARE!!!
Purin: Ahh... Caterpie Cola, 90% caterpie, 10% cola... *is mysteriously flung into the atmosphere* Looks like Team Jiggly’s (sponsored by Caterpie Cola) blasting off agaaaaiiinnn!!! *star pings*
Shampoo: *completely oblivious* Seanma marry Shampoo now?
Sephy: I refuse to marry any hair-care products!!!
Shampoo: Hi-ya... what that mean?
Sephy: ...I want Ukyo back...
Endorsements:
http://www.geocities.com/animefool
ANL home page
http://kawaiianimegirl.tripod.com/smeared.html
Ami-chan’s excellent page
http://www.anipike.com
The Animé Turnpike, The #1 source on every Animé
http://www.pythonline.com
Monty Python On-line
The Right Stuf Catalog
A great catalog to find animé in (to order a catalog, pay $3 by calling 1-800-338-6827)
on the web at http://www.rightstuf.com
http://www.tuxedomask.com
A really cool Sailor Moon site
http://www.geocities.com/animenewspage
Zell’s webpage
Disclaimer:
We do not own anything, it all belongs to a whole bunch of other people, a very long list, so we’re not going to try.
We apologize if anyone is deeply offended by our views, and if you are easily offended by stuff like this,
we would suggest unsubscribing and/or moving to Pluto.
If you'd like to contribute anything, unsubscribe (but... why?),
or have a friend who wants this, contact us at sephiroth_gatomon@yahoo.com
