Anime News Letter Season 2

Season 2, Issue 9

Editor/Reviews/Battle Square: Sephiroth/Seanma
Coffee Wench/Rumiko Takahashi Correspondent: Ukyo Kounji
Lowly Reporter: Purin/Bryoga/Eevee/Jiggleevee
Article Writer/Asst. Editor: Gatomon
Engineer/Limited Goddess, 2nd class: Skuld
Secret Police: Cyber Kitty/=^o^=
Webmaster/Bounty Hunter: Fuji/Zell

Sent to: Erika Lt./Lum/Ifurita, Jake, Mr. Saotoby, Happodan/Dr. Tofu, "The Secretary", Ami-chan, Melancholy, Ranma, Nighteyes, Aly/Mimi/Raisin, Kaitou Ace, Tasuki, Lucifer Morningstar, Neo, Am0s M0ses, Makato/Oddichu, Lain The Typhoon, Mikon/Moko-ohki, Ferio, Hojo, Ice Dragon #74, and Vegeta’s in Maine
Subscribers in: Maine 10, California 2, Texas 3, Georgia 2, Colorado 1, NY 1, Florida 1, Missouri 1, Virginia 1

If you know anyone who wants this, contact us at sephiroth_gatomon@yahoo.com

Warning: In the spirit of all that is animé, some of these scenes may be seen as lewd and/or violent. We also have a pervert on staff to fill in as an animé archetype. Viewer discretion is advised.

Dear reader,
      We’ve got another great issue lined up for you!!! First off, we have two new subscribers, Ice Dragon #74 (as if the first 73 weren’t good enough) and Vegeta’s in Maine (must live in Rhode Island...). If you are interested, the Battle Square Fanfic has finally been written and we can send it out to you. Problem is, it’s a bit too bloody and graphic to do a normal mass release, so you need to request it. This issue, we have a few reviews, an awesome Battle Square, and Ukyo’s okonomiyaki recipe. Let the fun begin!!!
Sincerely yours,
Sephiroth

Animé Movie Review: Wrath of the Ninja
Written by Sephy
Sephiroth: ****   Cyber Kitty: ****
Set in the late 1500s Feudal Japan, Wrath of the Ninja is a tale of demonic forces, ninja, and the sword. The three Shadow Schools of the Ninja, Kasumi, Hagakura, and Huga, have a common link: the three mystical swords of sorcery (rather, sword, dagger, and halberd of sorcery). Nobunaga Oda (who controls the host of obero, an army of demons) feels that the Shadow Schools are a danger to him (because of some weird prophesy) and sends his demons after them, destroying all but three ninja, one from each school. With their weapons, the ninja trio sets out to fulfill the Prophesy of the Enchanted Swords, or die trying... If you liked Ninja Scroll and Record of Lodoss War, you’ll love this one!!!

Animé Series Review: Ranma ˝
Written by Ukyo
Seanma: *****   Ukyo: *****   Bryoga: ****
This is a review that was seriously needed. Ranma 1/2 is the story of this boy, Ranma, and his father, Genma, who went to train at the cursed training grounds of Jusenkyo in China. Unfortunately, they fell into the ponds, which put a strange curse on them... Now, whenever Ranma is splashed with cold water, he turns into a she!!! His father, on the other hand, turns into a panda. Now, Ranma and Genma return to the Tendo training dojo where Genma promised Ranma to be betrothed to his friend’s (Soun Tendo) daughter so that Ranma can continue on with the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. Unfortunately for Ranma, Akane Tendo isn’t his only fiancée, he has three more (Kodachi, Shampoo- with the curse of turning into a cat, and Ukyo- Ranma’s cute fiancée). Plus, Akane has a bunch of suitors, including Ryoga (who turns into a Vietnamese pot bellied pig) and Kuno (“The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High”). Being a romantic-comedy, Ranma 1/2 is the one and only “martial-arts sex comedy” for one and all!!!

BATTLE SQUARE NEO!!!
Sephy: In honor of Pokémon Gold/Silver coming out soon, Purin and I will have a four-on-four battle. I’ve been out collecting some new breeds, so let the battle begin!!!
Purin: Bellosum... GO!!! *throws pokéball*
Sephy: Charmander, attack!!! *the fire lizard pokémon steps forward* Now to analyze that pokémon...
Pokédex: An alternative evolution of gloom. Is apparently a pure grass type. Weak to fire, bug, and ice.
Sephy: First attack is mine!!! Charmander, *thrusts arm forward* burn it to ashes!!!
Charmander: Char! *salutes and then fire blasts the Bellosum, winning victory*
Sephy: Charmander’s evolving!!!
Charmander: Char... man... *evolves* Charmeleon!!!
Purin: Bellosum, return... Go Raichu!!! *the Raichu appears*
Sephy: Return, my faithful... Sentret, time for your debut!!! *a small raccoon like pokémon jumps from Sephy’s arms and lands on his tail. He has a big white O on his belly*
Purin: Raichu’s the fastest, he starts first. Show this amateur what you’ve got, surf!!!
Raichu: Rai!!! *jumps on to his tail and summons a huge wave that smashes into Sentret*
Sephy: *sweat drop* You all right down there? Time for the fury swipes!!!
Sentret: .o0[...right] *swipes at Raichu, hitting him four times*
Purin: Thunderbolt!!!
Raichu: *blasts Sentret*
Sephy: *retrieves Sentret in his arms* That’s okay... I still love you... *looks at Purin* You need to learn kindness. For my next pokémon, I will summon Yamakurasu, my evil/flying pokémon...
Yama-chan: *swoops down*
Skuld: Hey!!! An evil-type? What’s that? You made that up!!!
Gatomon: *looking bored* No... he didn’t... Evil and steel are the two new types of pokémon. *yawn* No beautiful girls anywhere...
Skuld: ...and what do you call me?!
Gatomon: You’re just a kid...
Skuld: Ahh!!! YOU PERVERT!!! *smashes Gatomon with her mallet*
Purin: Lord Raichu, he’s just a bird, thunderbolt ‘em.
Raichu: .o0[...gotta bolt ‘em all] Raiiiiiii-chuuuu!!! *zaps Yama*
Yamakurasu: .o0[...looks like it’s over for Yamakurasu, the Crow of Darkness... or Murkrow... what a stupid American name...]
Sephy: Return!!! *activates return mechanism on pokéball* Right... Now, for my grand-finale... Hellgar, Demon Dog of Destruction, Sephiroth Jenova summons you!!! *this nasty looking black and red dog-like pokémon with bone armor busts out of the ground*
Skuld: I’ve never heard that name before...
Cyber Kitty: CYBER KITTY ANALYSIS ACTIVATED: Lv. 37, Pokémon: Hellgar, name: Nepollo, type: evil/fire, attacks: fire blast (fire), gang beating (evil), bite (evil), and tackle (normal).
Sephy: Taste this, my sorry friend... Go for it... Gang Beating!!!
Nepollo: Grrr... *makes multiple images of self and proceeds in pounding on Raichu*
Purin: Ahh!!! Return!!! *scoops up Raichu* Why did you name it Nepollo? Oh, and Miltank, go!!! *he sends out a pinkish cow pokémon*
Sephy: The name is the combination of Neptune and Apollo. Oh, my move... bite!!! That evil attack’ll leave your pokémon cold...
Purin: *watches as Miltank is bitten and faints* ...but bite’s a normal attack... Miltank, return!!! *scoops her up* Go Blissy!!! *the evolution of Chansey appears*
Sephy: First strike- attack with fire blast!!!
Nepollo: Fwa... *knocks out Blissy with fire blast*
Purin: No!!! I can’t lose... *scoops up Blissy in the pokéball* Time for an evolution... Purin evolved to...
Jiggleevee: Jiggleevee, the singing-genetic pokémon!!!
Sephy: What the..? *takes out pokédex*
POKéDEX: Jiggleevee- a rare pokémon that has Jigglypuff’s body and Eevee’s tail and ears. A product of Seafoam Labs.
Cyber Kitty: ANALYSIS CONFIRMED- Lv. 79, type: normal, attacks: sing (normal), megaton punch (normal), dream eater (psychic), and hyper beam (normal).
Oddichu: Go Jiggleevee!!! Kick his a--!!!
Cyber Kitty: Another new type of pokémon?
POKéDEX: Oddichu- a rare pokémon that has the body of pikachu in combination with the hair of an oddish. No information is available as to the creation of such a creature.
Cyber Kitty: ANALYSIS CONFIRMED- Lv. 69, type: grass/electric, attacks: poison powder (poison), vine whip (grass), thunderbolt (electric), and surf (water). Even with her being in support of Jiggleevee, I doubt she’ll fight...
Sephy: Fine, I choose... um... I seem to be out...
???: Then I will fight this singing-genetic pokémon, for I am the world’s most powerful pokémon...
Sephy: Who’s that pokémon?
A bunch of little kids: It’s MewTwo!!!
MewTwo: *teleports into the arena* Let’s fight... *uses thunderbolt on Jiggleevee*
Jiggleevee: Jig!!! *hits MewTwo with megaton punch*
Oddichu: Jiggleevee!!! I believe in you!!! I love you!!!
Sephy: ...now here’s an unexpected plot twist... *turns to a figure in the shadows* How about another?
???: MewTwo, go for it!!! Digiarmor... ener... gize!!!
MewTwo: MewTwo armor digivolved to... *a fancy explosion happens and he stands glorious in his armor from the first movie* ArmorMew, the Sword of Self-expression!!!
Jiggleevee: Eeeeeevvvveeeee!!! *goes super saiyan. Turns golden and his ears stand straight up as he becomes surrounded by a golden aura* SSJE is ready for battle!!!
Cyber Kitty: Skuld, in case you don’t know what he’s talking about, SSJE stands for Super Saiyan Jiggleevee.
Skuld: I know that!!! *gives Cyber Kitty the “raspberry”*
ArmorMew: PsychicSword Attack!!! *makes a sword of psychic energy smack SSJE upside the head*
SSJE: Super-Hyper-Killer-Electric-Bolt-of-Death-Strike-from-Heaven Attack!!! *shoots an electric blast that knocks ArmorMew into a wall*
ArmorMew: *grabs SSJE by the throat and forces him to change back to Jiggleevee* Now I finish this... *is knocked out by a thunderbolt*
Oddichu: Jiggleevee, are you all right? *runs down to him*
Jiggleevee: Jig...
Oddichu: *hugs Jiggleevee*
Narrator: ...and so, they had many Oddichuggleevees together and lived happily ever after...
Sephiroth: *blinks* Boy... *turns to Gatomon* get me gun...
Gatomon: But...
Sephiroth: Don’t gimme sass, Billy.
Gatomon: Who’s Billy?
Sephy: You Billy, now get me gun.
Gatomon: You’re nuts!!!
Sephy: What that, boy? You think I’m nuts? That cuz the squirrel’s after me.
Gatomon: Right... *walks disgruntledly off to get Sephy’s gun*

Next time- Cyber Kitty is challenged by a new cat in town, Cyber. Will Cyber Kitty stand up to the challenge? What dark secret does Cyber have? Why is Gatomon in Sephiroth’s dungeon? All this and more in the next Battle Square Neo!!!

Ukyo’s Okonomiyaki Recipe
1. Mix 2 eggs with 2/3 cup of broth or water.
2. Add one cup of unbleached flour and mix until lump free.
3. Slice 1/6 of a cabbage into thin strips, dice about 60 grams of pork, and 1/2 of an onion.
4. Mix batter with meat and vegetables.
5. Pour mixture slowly on a hot plate or oiled griddle.
6. When the underside is brown, flip and cook until done.
7. Divide in to slices with a spatula and season with teriyaki sauce and nori (seaweed flakes).
8. Enjoy!

(Paid Advertisement)
Scene: Ukyo standing in her restaurant...
Ukyo: Hi, I'm Ukyo Kounji. Sick of sushi? Tired of Ramen? Then why not try a new Stuffed Crust Okonomiyaki! Only at Ukyo's Okonomiyaki Hut. Order in and use our new home delivery service!
Ryoga Runs in...
Ryoga: Ok, so where's my next delivery?
Ukyo: Hey, it only took ya 3 days this time, you’re getting better. Here, deliver this to Furinkan High.
Ryoga: Gotcha!
Runs out door in exact opposite direction of before-mentioned high school...
Ukyo: Remember, if your Okonomiyaki isn't there in a week, it's free!
Ukyo's Okonomiyaki Hut
"Over 5,000 served, and over um...1 home delivered"

Closing: At Ukyo’s Restaurant...
Sephy: *eats some okonomiyaki* Ah... this’s been the tastiest issue of the ANL yet!!!
Ukyo: Next issue is number ten, we should do something special.
Gatomon: *rushes in and hides beneath a counter as an angry mob of young girls run by* Ha... fooled them.
Cyber Kitty: Cyber Beam!!! *blasts Gatomon with a green laser* Now that I think of it... I am the security for the ANL, so off to prison you go!!! *drags the knocked-out Gatomon to the dungeon*
Sephy: I don’t have the heart to tell him that he’s just a censor... *laughs*
Purin: For special occasions, my pokémon and I drag Ash and Pikachu into the middle of the street and beat them with sticks.
Sephy: *smacks Purin* That’s why you’re not Editor... *throws him out the window and a passing dipidon hits him* Needless to say, our next issue’s going to be the best yet!!!

Ed. Note: We apologize for this issue’s Battle Square, and as a result, Purin will no longer be able to have influence upon the Battle Square Neo (although we do accept his snide remarks) and also, pokébattles will be SEVERELY limited. Thank you, and have a nice day.

Endorsements:
http://www.anipike.com
The Animé Turnpike, The #1 source on every Animé

http://www.pythonline.com
Monty Python On-line

The Right Stuf Catalog
A great catalog to find animé in (to order a catalog, pay $3 by calling 1-800-338-6827) on the web at http://www.rightstuf.com

http://www.tuxedomask.com
A really cool Sailor Moon site

http://www.geocities.com/animenewsletter
ANL home page

http://kawaiianimegirl.tripod.com/smeared.html
Ami-chan’s excellent page

Disclaimer:
We do not own anything, it all belongs to a whole bunch of other people, a very long list, so we’re not going to try. We apologize if anyone is deeply offended by our views, and if you are easily offended by stuff like this, we would suggest unsubscribing and/or moving to Pluto.

If you'd like to contribute anything, unsubscribe (but... why?), or have a friend who wants this, contact us at sephiroth_gatomon@yahoo.com